You are what you think. And what you think, you are. —Author unknown
If positive thinking is the most helpful, beneficial way to think, why, then, do we think in negative ways? Negative thoughts are integral parts of emotions such as fear, anxiety, disappointment, guilt, regret, resentment and jealousy. These emotions often include thoughts such as ‘I can't do it’. ‘It's not fair’. ‘I'm such an idiot’. ‘It's their fault’. ‘Nothing ever goes right for me’. ‘I wish I hadn't done that’.
Because emotions such as fear, worry and guilt make us feel bad, we usually think of them as ‘negative emotions’. And yet these emotions, like all other emotions, do actually have a positive intent.
Take, for example, the emotion of guilt. Typically, the thoughts that accompany guilt are ‘I've screwed up, I shouldn't have done that, it's my fault. I feel bad about what I did’. How can this way of thinking be positive? Well, the positive intent of guilt is to prompt you to recognise your wrongdoing and to do something to put it right or make up for what you did. If, though, you simply wallow in your guilt, berate yourself for what you did wrong or ignore or deny how you feel, then your thoughts and actions (or lack of action) remain negative. They do you no good.
The positive intentions of ‘negative’ emotions act in the same way as the positive intention of physical pain. If you touch something really hot, the pain makes you pull away; it feels bad, but the positive intention of that pain is to protect you. It's the same with emotional pain – it can prompt you to think of positive ways you can take positive action.
And not only can an emotion such as guilt make you feel bad and prompt you to respond positively, the fact that you know that guilt can make you feel bad can actually motivate you, too. It can motivate you not to do something in future that could result in you feeling guilty!
In Practice
For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. —Shakespeare
Know that every emotion has a positive purpose. No emotion is bad or pointless. When you experience a ‘negative’ emotion, if you understand the positive purpose behind that ‘negative’ emotion, it can help you think more positively about the situation and do something positive about it.
The positive intention of sadness, for example, is to slow you down and allow you time to take in and accept what has happened. Sadness then helps you to adjust, to get used to changed, different circumstances. Disappointment is a form of sadness. The positive purpose of disappointment is to prompt you to identify what went wrong and to work out what needs to be adjusted or changed in order to lessen the chance of similar disappointments in the future.
Think about it.
- Anger is a natural reaction to feeling wronged by something or someone. It's a reaction to unfairness, dishonesty, being treated badly, being let down, being lied to or being ignored. So, what do you think might be the positive purpose of anger?
- Jealousy happens when you feel that someone or something is threatening something you value – you worry that someone will take what you have. What do you thi...
