Engagement

Transforming Difficult Relationships at Work

Lee G. Bolman, Joan V. Gallos

• Publisher: Wiley
• Year: 2016
• Print ISBN: 9781119150831
• eBook ISBN: 9781119150893
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Management
• Index: Business

Master the interpersonal side of management to enhance productivity and boost success

Engagement is the manager's essential primer for dealing with difficult people and managing your team. Bestselling authors Lee G. Bolman and Joan V. Gallos are back with an engaging business novella that relates real, practical techniques captured in the 4-step SURE model for handling people problems. The story centers around a manager in a new job, and her experiences applying the four steps in leading her new team. Brief interludes punctuate the story throughout to provide room for reflection, and to explain the complex interpersonal dynamics at play in commonly encountered situations. Key lessons are underscored as the foundation for a sound people strategy, and the features and details of each rule are laid out in a clear, concise manner. You'll learn alongside the story's manager as she uses the model to find artful solutions to problems that could have easily derailed her chances of success.

People are the hardest part of a manger's job. No matter how well-matched their skill sets, there is always the potential for interpersonal conflicts and strains to throw the team off-course. This book shows you deft strategies for addressing those challenges with a well thought-out framework for getting your team fully invested in the group's success.

• Find creative solutions to persistent issues
• Dig into the interpersonal dynamics at work
• Learn how to handle—and manage—difficult people
• Apply key strategies for engaging the team

This compact, easy-to-apply set of guidelines draws on your leadership skills while providing a strong foundation for a new managerial approach. Effective management is frequently a tightrope between results and morale, and Engagement shows you how to find your balance and steady your team.

Part I
Reality

1
The Choice

VICKY SAT AT HER DESK. She opened the blue folder and reviewed the information and numbers one more time. She reread her notes from phone calls with colleagues.

I've seen the data. Know the history. Heard plenty about the players. Am I crazy to say yes to this? she asked herself. She took a deep breath and enjoyed a long, slow exhale. Am I kidding myself to think I can turn this around?

She'd been thinking hard since the offer on Tuesday. I'm always up for a challenge, and this certainly counts as one, she thought. She surprised herself when she chuckled out loud.

Vicky stared at the phone on her desk. He's never steered me wrong before. She picked up the receiver and dialed. She expected voicemail, but he answered.

“Peter?”

“Vicky? Hey, what's up?”

“They've offered me the opening in Dallas, working for Michael.”

“And?”

“It feels like a sinkhole. The last two people failed. They say he's impossible to work for.”

“It's an opportunity.”

“For what? A train wreck?”

“For proving you're even better than they think. Slaying a dragon is a great way to build a reputation.”

“If the dragon doesn't get you first. This is a tough one, Peter.”

“Did you get this far by playing it safe?”

“No, but not by being stupid, either.”

“I've never taken a job that didn't scare me. That means I had to learn fast and stay alert to survive.”

Vicky let his words sink in. Peter broke the silence.

“They think you can do it, Vicky. And if I were a betting man, I'd put my money on you. You'll learn a lot. That I guarantee.”

“You're willing to field plaintive cries for help?”

“Always. More fun than a lot of things I do. And when you do well, it makes me look good.”

“There's another side to that coin, you know.”

“That's why I'll be here if you need me.”

2
The Boss

“SO THEY PUT YOU IN the job? Dropped right at my doorstep. Well, I am surprised. On somebody's hot list?” His tone was cool, yet menacing. “We needed someone with experience. Someone who knows something about our products.”

“I'm planning to learn. I hope I can depend on you,” Vicky responded, calmly working to deflect Michael's tone and criticism.

“You'd better learn fast. That operation is the weak link in my division, and I hate weak links. If I didn't have so much on my plate, I'd have fixed it myself a long time ago. So get it fixed. Fast!”

“I've heard there are problems. The last two people in the job didn't make it, eh? What went wrong?” She smiled, knowing he might not like that direct question. If Michael is my dragon, Vicky thought, better let him know I'm not scared—yet.

Michael frowned and paused. He stared at Vicky. She waited: shoulders relaxed and down, smiling pleasantly.

“If I get into that, I'll have those banshees in HR breathing down my neck. I have no patience for losers. So let's just say they didn't work out and you'll have to do much, much better.”

“I'm confident I can with your help.”

“Oh, you'll need help, all right.”

Vicky could feel herself growing tense and took a quick moment to let that go. She was expecting that her first conversation with Michael would be challenging, but the intensity of the dragon's flames was still a surprise. She tamped down the impulse to tell Michael that he was acting like a thug, that every bad thing she had heard about him must be true, and that Corporate was probably right in wondering if he was a big part of the problem. She took a deep breath instead and started again.

“What can you tell me about the team I'm inheriting, Michael?”

“Team? More like a motley crew. Bad attitudes. Big egos. Hiring mistakes. Some of 'em should have been fired long ago. Figure out how to fix that. And just make sure you make your numbers.”

“I'm scheduled to meet with them this afternoon. Can you come and introduce me?”

“Can't. I'm booked. But they report to you. They'll figure out fast who you are.”

“Fair enough.” An image flashed across Vicky's mind. She was drowning. Michael was the lifeguard. He was staring right at her and ignoring her cries. She put that aside. “See you tomorrow?”

“I'm booked solid for the next few days or so. I'll have Sandy set up a meeting when I'm more open next week.”

“Okay. See you then.”

3
A Single Step

VICKY WAS CAREFUL TO SMILE and walk confidently as she headed back to her office. She knew others might be watching for signs that Michael had needed only one meeting to work his dark magic. She entered her office and deliberately left the door open.

She sat at her desk and turned to her computer. She began to make notes on the meeting with Michael. Now I know why Michael is a legend, she thought. But it could have been worse.

Vicky continued jotting down her recollections of the meeting. I want a record even though it's a meeting I wouldn't mind forgetting.

As Vicky wrote, she felt good about one pattern she was already seeing. Her questions had worked well as a counter to Michael's provocations. Let's keep that in the playbook, she told herself. She then thought about the stress and turmoil she had felt. He's not going to make this easy.

She paused, and let a wave of discouragement pass. Well, as they say, with all this manure, there must be a pony somewhere. I just have to keep looking.

Vicky was about to press save, but stopped. One more thought came to her, and she typed a Chinese proverb: the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Vicky saved her file and turned to her e-mail.

Interlude 1
Coping with Bullies

WE LEARN FROM VICKY'S CALL TO PETER that she has some of the right stuff for a successful management career: she does her homework, she's thoughtful about career decisions, she has developed and maintains strong networks and workplace relationships, and she's willing to ask for help. She's tapped her colleagues to research the Dallas job and sees that it could be a setup for failure. She recognizes that the company's offer is a mixed bag, has done her best to think through all she knows, and tests her judgment with a trusted mentor. Senior leadership wants her to step up to the plate in Dallas, and she wants to make the right career choice. She can confirm that she's a team player by accepting the challenge, but it won't help her or the company if she strikes out. With Peter's encouragement and promise of support, she concludes the opportunities outweigh the risks.

Vicky's first meeting with Michael reminds her of just how hard the challenges will be. Her image of drowning while Michael ignores her cries captures her fears and disappointment in a boss who seems willing to let her sink—or even throw her to the sharks. Michael is a classic bully, and bullies are a nightmare for everyone around them. It's even tougher when the bully is the boss. How can Vicky cope with Michael and move the relationship onto more positive and productive ground?

Bullies represent a growing and troubling workplace phenomenon.¹ Examining how Vicky handles her initial encounter with Michael provides a powerful example of how the rules of engagement can help in the toughest challenges. It also enables you to deepen your understanding of how to put each rule to use.

1. Stop, Look, and Learn: Avoid the Obstacles
   Vicky comes prepared to her first meeting with Michael with a basic strategy of stop, look, and learn. She's done enough homework to have thoughts on what might be happening in Dallas, but it's too early to lock into a diagnosis or assume that she understands it all. Vicky's plan is to ask questions and learn more. Even when Michael challenges her, she works to stay open to learning. Vicky understands that she needs Michael as an ally. He's the boss; and he has information, access, and resources that she needs. She soon learns that building an open relationship with him will not be easy, and that it will be a rough road if she has to wade through an endless stream of Michael's toxicity. His out-of-the-gate hostility surprises her, and she is now better prepared should it surface again.
   It also helps to remember that bullies are often insecure, unhappy people whose bark may be worse than their bite. That is a testable proposition. It is easier to see the importance o...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Dedication
• Preface
• Introduction
• Part I: Reality
• Part II: Beginnings Are Everything
• Part III: Complex Characters
• Part IV: The Plot Thickens
• Part V: Fix or Fold
• Part VI: Teamwork
• Part VII: A Happy Ending?
• Epilogue the Sure Route to Success: Engagement
• The Skills of Engagement Tutorial
• Acknowledgments
• About the Authors
• Index
• End User License Agreement