Simply Said

Communicating Better at Work and Beyond

Jay Sullivan

• Publisher: Wiley
• Year: 2016
• ISBN:
  9781119285298
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Business Communication
• Index: Business

Master the art of communication to improve outcomes in any scenario

Simply Said is the essential handbook for business communication. Do you ever feel as though your message hasn't gotten across? Do details get lost along the way? Have tense situations ever escalated unnecessarily? Do people buy into your ideas? It all comes down to communication. We all communicate, but few of us do it well. From tough presentations to everyday transactions, there is no scenario that cannot be improved with better communication skills. This book presents an all-encompassing guide to improving your communication, based on the Exec|Comm philosophy: we are all better communicators when we focus focus less on ourselves and more on other people. More than just a list of tips, this book connects skills with scenarios and purpose to help you hear and be heard. You'll learn the skills to deliver great presentations and clear and persuasive messages, handle difficult conversations, effectively manage, lead with authenticity and more, as you discover the secrets of true communication.

Communication affects every interaction every day. Why not learn to do it well? This book provides comprehensive guidance toward getting your message across, and getting the results you want.

• Shift your focus from yourself to other people
• Build a reputation as a good listener
• Develop your written and oral communications for the greatest impact
• Inspire and influence others
• Communicate more effectively in any business or social situation

Did that email come across as harsh? Did you offend someone unintentionally? Great communication skills give you the power to influence someone's thinking and guide them to where you need them to be. Simply Said teaches you the critical skills that make you more effective in business and in life.

SECTION TWO
Your Oral Communication Skills

In the following chapters, you'll find practical steps to communicate in a variety of settings and to meet a wide array of needs. As you read about and practice these skills, recognize that communication skills are not about “right” and “wrong.” There is no “wrong” way to communicate. Instead, think of a “spectrum of effectiveness,” from less effective to more effective, as shown in the figure below.

Where you fall on the spectrum in any given exchange will be determined by a combination of factors. It's the cumulative effect of certain behaviors that determines your overall effectiveness as a communicator. We'll look at those behaviors in the next four chapters.

In Section Four, Your Interactions, we'll reference ways to apply each of these behaviors differently, if necessary, based on the particular setting.

Chapter 4 Stand Up and Stand Out: Making the Most of Your Body Language

Chapter 5 Are You Just “Waiting to Talk”? Listening to Understand

Chapter 6 See It. Save It. Say It. Delivering from Notes and Visuals

Chapter 7 What If They Ask You Something You Don't Know? Responding to Questions

CHAPTER 4
Stand Up and Stand Out Making the Most of Your Body Language

One of the most public ways to share your message with the world is by speaking to a large group of people. In a professional setting, people will often hesitate to admit weaknesses, with one glaring exception. Most people are actually assertive in stating that they are afraid of “public speaking.” I think they offer this admission as a pre-emptive strike to keep others from asking them to give a presentation. Here’s the reality. Except for singing in the shower, all speaking is “public” speaking. We’re always talking to someone. And most people are okay speaking to one person at a time. Therefore, the secret is to apply the same techniques you use when talking to one person to situations in which you are talking to a few, a dozen, or a hundred people at once.

We receive calls every day from clients and potential clients saying they need help with “presentation skills.” My first response is always: “Help me understand what you mean by presenting.” Pharmaceutical salespeople “present” while walking behind a doctor who is between appointments. Analysts at investment banks “present” to a dozen or so salespeople in a room, while hundreds listen in on the phone. Litigators “present” in some no-man’s-land between the judge and the jury. Senior leaders “present” while seated around a boardroom table. And we all have instances when we present one-on-one, discussing a need with a client, giving a performance review, or interviewing someone for a job. Regardless of the setting, some basic principles apply.

Remember, people hear what we want them to know through the words we say. They understand how we want them to feel about it through the way we say it.

The overriding key to presenting well is to simply be present to your audience. When we’re speaking, we tend to think, “How do I keep my audience’s attention?” Now think about it from your audience’s perspective. Listeners want to know that they have your attention. Too often, while speaking to an audience, the speaker seems distracted, preoccupied, or self-absorbed. He is all wrapped up inside himself, or appears rushed or disengaged. He isn’t present to his audience. That creates a disconnect. The audience feels less valued. When the audience senses that lack of commitment on the part of the speaker, that lack of desire to connect, the audience is less likely to want to follow the speaker’s ideas. The speaker has less impact.

There are three key elements to conveying a sense of commitment and presence to your audience: your eye contact, your voice, and your body language. Remember, people hear what we want them to know through the words we say. They understand how we want them to feel about it through the way we say it.

YOU TALKIN’ TO ME?

We all have a natural human instinct to make eye contact with those around us. It’s how we establish a connection. A baby can’t see clearly at birth. The first distance from which a newborn’s eyes learn to focus is at about 10 inches, roughly the distance from the baby’s eyes to the mother’s eyes when the baby is nursing. Eyes are literally the first things we focus on in life, and in most cultures, they remain the first things we try to focus on when we meet someone.

We all know it’s important to look at your audience when you speak to a group. Unfortunately, too often that concept is interpreted as “Scan your audience. Make eye contact with as many people as possible.” That doesn’t work well. When you scan the audience, your brain takes in too much information. You notice that one person is doodling, someone else is yawning, someone’s checking his email on his phone, and someone else is coming in late. Your brain tries to process all of that information.

Your brain is like a computer. When a computer takes in too much data, it freezes. The same is true for your brain. When your brain freezes, your body kicks into a defense mechanism called “fight or flight.” Your brain senses danger and tells your body “it’s not time to think; it’s time to react.” Your body reacts to defend itself. In fight or flight, your breathing rate increases to pump oxygen to your blood. Your heart rate increases to pump the blood to your hands so you can fight and to your feet so you can flee.

Now picture yourself standing in front of the room. You’ve scanned the audience and thrown yourself into panic mode. You feel yourself gasping for air. You swear the person in the front row can see your shirt moving because you can feel your heart pounding so hard. The blood is rushing to your hands—which start to sweat and twitch—and to your feet, so you start shifting back and forth. Overall, not a strong presence. And all because you scanned the room.

So if you shouldn’t scan, what should you do with your eyes?

Look at one person at a time for a complete sentence. If you stay with someone for a full thought, five to seven seconds, you’ll experience a number of benefits.

First, you’ll relax. Most of us aren’t afraid of speaking to one person. If you only talk to one person, regardless of how many are in the room, you’ll automatically calm yourself. On a regular basis I speak at the New York City Bar Association. About 200 people usually attend, but I never talk to 200 people. I talk to one person at a time, each for a full sentence. The other 199 people are sitting in the room, but I’m only talking to that one person. I’ll get to the rest shortly. Right now, as I’m talking to the fourth person in the sixth row, she’s getting all of my attention. So will the others when I get to them.

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Look at one person at a time for a complete sentence.

Second, if you stay with someone for a full thought, you’ll avoid distraction. If I’m talking to the man with the beard in the back row, he’s the only person I’m looking at and the only one I care about at the moment. When someone comes in the side door late, I’m not thrown. I’m still talking to goatee guy.

The third, and most important, benefit of staying with someone for a full thought is that you build rapport with your audience. If you’re scanning and talking to everyone, you’re not really talking to anyone. If you stay with someone for a full thought, you look more composed, you sound more confident and comfortable with yourself, and you establish a connection. You not only convey your content, but you convey your sense of commitment to your audience. When you stay with someone for a full thought, you’re really saying, “It’s important to me tha...