The Ask

For Business, For Philanthropy, For Everyday Living

Laura Fredricks

• Publisher: Wiley
• Year: 2017
• ISBN:
  9781119374510
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Nonprofit Organizations & Charities
• Index: Business

Asking is more than a skill—it's a lifestyle

The Ask is your personal manual for building the best, most fulfilling personal and professional life possible. Crafting the perfect ask can fund your new business, support your favorite charity, and get more quality time with your significant other—but it can do so much more than that. It can change your life. In learning how to ask for what you really want and deserve, you lose your fear of rejection and judgement. You create the greatest sense of self-worth that no one can give you, you give it to yourself when you ask. The critical moment is when you turn your skills inward and make the hardest asks, the ones you ask yourself. This book is designed to make you an Exceptional Asker, and in the process, give you the confidence and skills you need to achieve all your goals and realize your dreams. You'll learn how to prepare, what words to use, what to avoid, and how to follow up, and you'll purge the natural hesitancy that has been holding you back for so long.

Asking is about empowerment. It shows the world that what you want matters. It defines who you are, where you're going, and who will be by your side. This book provides over 175 sample asks, with clear actionable steps to help you claim your space in relationships, at work, and in the world.

• Rewrite your own rulebook and find empowerment in asking
• Learn the simple five steps to craft the perfect ask
• Discover the secret of the ask – it's two sentences and a question
• Remove your Money Blockers and turn a bad ask into a win
• Conquer the hardest asks you'll ever make—the ones you ask yourself

Mastering the art of the ask reconfigures your approach to life, and changes the way you tackle challenges and goals. The Ask gives you the skills—and the mindset—you need to accomplish anything you can dream.

Part I
What Will THE ASK Do for You?

Chapter 1
What Is THE ASK?

THE ASK is the name of the surefire way that you can have the most fulfilling personal and professional life and find abundant success wherever you go. Who would not want that? The answer may surprise you. There are many people who know they need to ask in order to get what they want, but they talk themselves out of it, convince themselves they can get it without asking, or worse yet, have a conversation in their head in which the other person will say no before they even ask. All this time and energy is wasted on fruitless conversations and mindsets that result only in your not getting what you want. Depression sets in, self-confidence diminishes, and we settle for what we have, not what we can achieve on the greatest scale.

The number-one reason people do not get what they want in life is quite simple: They have not asked! This is a horrible way to live life. Now, let's shift this mindset around. The number-one reason people do not give is they have not been asked. That represents real opportunity. People are not going to give you a raise, a hotel room upgrade, better theater seats, an explanation about your bill, a charitable gift, more clients, feedback on your business venture, extra help around the house, or more time with your significant other unless you ask.

I have spent over three decades of my life analyzing, practicing, and perfecting THE ASK in law, philanthropy, business, and everyday living. I can proudly tell you that I am the first to put such organization, structure, and focus on THE ASK. This is the theme you will read throughout this book. THE ASK is not random, it is not chance, and it certainly is not luck. THE ASK is not asking dozens of people, hoping someone will give you a yes. We have all heard of the quick successes, the billion-dollar gift, the unprecedented acquisition, and the million-dollar start-up that leads us to believe that we don't really have to ask for great success. If we work hard it will come to us. I assure you that every success you hear about had many great asks along the way.

I have the utmost certainty that everyone has the ability to make exceptional asks; they just need to know how and then see real results. This is why I've written this book. I put the world of asking into simple, easy-to-follow steps, keeping in mind that many people don't want to—or, as I have heard numerous times—“hate to ask.” For example, a friend of mine is an enormously successful television producer and screenwriter. He told me that he can do anything, but he can't ask for money. I was blown away. I know he has asked for more time to write his scripts, for different actors, for different set designs, and for actors to use a better way to deliver his lines. He is like the hundreds of people who come to my seminars and conferences all buttoned up in their resistance to ask for money.

So I asked him, “What is it about asking for money that you differentiate from any other ask you make many times throughout the day?” He was a little taken aback and said, “What do you mean?” So I shared with him that he makes asks all the time, effortlessly and flawlessly, because he knows he needs something and asking will get him what he needs. Without his asks, he will be unsuccessful in his business because he will have to settle for a show, an actor, or a design that is not up to his standards. He said “Yeah, but that's not asking for money.” This is where so many people make this huge demarcation between making “easy asks” and asking for money. I gave him the advice that is so important for everyone to embrace. Every decision you make in life involves money. In his case I showed him that asking for a better actor meant paying for a better actor and asking for more time to write his script would cause his producers to be delayed in receiving their money from the sponsors; as for better set designs and more props, they all cost extra. So, in essence, he was asking for money without using the word “money.” This was a huge revelation for him. While he still has a hard time getting the words out to ask for a specific amount, he at least has a new awareness that he really has done this before and needs to practice asking for cash.

THE ASK is not just for people in finance or philanthropy. THE ASK is for everyone who needs something from someone else or needs something from themselves. THE ASK is for whatever you want. If you need to ask for help, clarity, insight, or feedback, my techniques and tips will show you how to ask as well as the words to use to get real results. That's as simple as it gets. If you need to get into your first-choice graduate school, you need to ask the admissions director. If you want your child to have a different position on the team, you need to ask the coach. If you need to stay home with your significant other this holiday and not spend it with the relatives, you need to ask your sweetheart. If you need more work to make extra money, you need to ask your boss for extra projects. If you want to know the alternatives available to you to address a medical need, you need to ask your doctor. The list of asks is endless.

The reality is that most people do not know exactly what they want. They crave better relationships, more time off, a better body, more sleep, better health care, more education and training, more spiritual guidance, more retirement money, a vacation home, time to read a book or to be creative, or time and money to give to a worthy cause. When they fail to ask for it, the result is the hollow feeling that says they are not as good as they can be. That's no way to live your life. THE ASK can and will show you how you will feel empowered and energized because you made the ask—you didn't just wish you had asked.

Now you see how THE ASK is vital to your life and your happiness in your life. Yes, you could settle for what you have now, but how off-the-charts amazing would it be if you asked with confidence for anything you want and desire? I'm here to tell you THE ASK works, and it will work for you once you read this book and then practice and apply my techniques. I hope the stories that are woven throughout this book will resonate with you as you identify similar situations, words, behaviors, mindsets, challenges, and experiences. I hope you find THE ASK so rewarding that you share it with your family, your network, your colleagues, and of course your friends.

A couple who are very close friends of mine were sharing my previous book THE ASK: How to ASK for Your Nonprofit Cause, Creative Project, or Business Venture. This book was on their bedroom nightstand. They told me that each night they tried to hop into bed to be the first to grab my book and read it. He was working for a large insurance company and had not had a raise in four years. She was a therapist and need more clients. They didn't just read the book; they put it to their own personal test. He had a meeting with his boss and followed my “three steps to asking for a raise.” Not only did he get it on the spot, but he kicked himself for not asking sooner. She followed my “how to ask friends and family” for more business. She now has a waiting list of prospective clients.

This book is my previous book on steroids. I have more experiences to apply, more phrases to use, and more life lessons to share. Are you ready to just ask?

What Does Money Mean to You?

I was teaching a class on THE ASK. I designed this class so that the morning session would cover my methods on how to ask, when to ask, where to ask, who should ask, how to prepare for the responses, how to close, how to follow up, and how to manage expectations. The second half of the class is devoted to what I call “Laura's practice studio.” It is the students' time to shine and practice their ask. One student plays the asker and the other the person being asked. I have the students arrange the chairs and table in the way that is most comfortable for them to make their ask. A young, bright but scared-to-death student gets up and places the chairs opposite each other with a large table in between them. She makes her ask and says, “I would like you to support scholarships at our private school.” Her ask did not have a dollar amount or a timeline for making the scholarship.

The class then had the opportunity to share what they liked about the ask and how it could be improved. They said that she needed to ask for a specific amount; otherwise the person being asked cannot make a decision about supporting the scholarship. The person would simply not know the amount to consider. I said that she needed to add when she wanted the scholarship. Timing is important because the person you ask needs to know when you need what you're asking for. I also asked her why she placed a table in between them during the exercise. She said the distance from the person she was asking gave her more confidence and without it she would be too close.

I asked her why she felt she needed this distance from the person she was going to ask. After all, when you make the ask, you need to convey that this is very important to you and that you are there 100 percent to help the person make this important decision. She said she was not a fan of freestyle role-playing and preferred writing scripts and reading from them. She continued that asking is way out of her comfort zone. She thinks of herself as a “giver,” not a “taker.” She will give before she takes. She held her head high and said quite firmly that her family raised her with pride and strong values. I was taken by her honesty, but I had to get to the core of this, because being a giver all your life will not allow you the breathing room to make an ask for money. I felt that if I did not at least try to gently uncover her views about money, she would struggle with asking for money all her life.

So at that very moment I did what I love to do with each person who tells me they cannot ask for money. I simply asked, “When you ask for money, what comes up for you?” She didn't know what to say at first, but then it all came out. She was a young child playing with her siblings and cousins who were younger than she was. Her uncle told them all that if they played quietly he would give them a dollar. At the end of the afternoon, her uncle came in and gave each of the children a dollar except her and told her she did not earn it or deserve it. The class went dead silent. This memory, filled with shame and guilt and low self-esteem, literally pushed her to identify herself as the giver, not the taker. So for her, to ask for mon...