When someone decides to become a coach, it requires taking a leap into new territories because the work of a coach challenges much of what has always felt natural and normal in our conversations. An early hurdle is the difficulty of stepping back from the notion that coaching is about solving problems. It is assumed that a good coach has the answers and should be armed and ready to leap into the mode of “telling.” This is not coaching. It might be advising or consulting; it might be mentoring; and it is surely satisfying for those who love their answers, but it is not coaching. Another hurdle is letting go of the notion that the most effective coaching happens in a sacred and secure vacuum between coach and client. Exploration and experimentation of new ways of being, in isolation, does not support change. In fact, it stunts change! Our most effective work happens when we embrace a systemic approach that invites the voices of all stakeholders into the coaching process and additionally asks those stakeholders to play a role and take responsibility for their parts in the work of the coaching. This approach is more complex for the coach and requires careful attention to seeing all layers of the system in order to yield an impact that is much greater and deeper.
Yet another hurdle is the reality that our clients are ill-served by coaches creating a safe and cozy space for the work. Instead, we need to create space that is most definitely safe, but with enough tension and heat that the most effective work can happen. Without some heat, we can end up making the coaching space so comfy nothing happens or so cozy that we are actually colluding with the client to keep the status quo alive.
What do I mean by “heat”? Heat is created when we are fully present to what is happening in the moment, using “what’s in the room” transparently rather than intellectualizing and “talking about.” Nick Petrie (2015) writes about what constitutes heat in reference to the vertical development of a leader. He suggests heat requires new experiences where results matter: there is a chance of success and failure, important people are watching, and the experience is extremely uncomfortable. Many of these conditions are at play when we create a milieu that is both safe and heated.
And, finally, we must realize that our work in coaching is far more than asking questions. Yes, we need great skills in inquiry that will serve our clients, but inquiry is insufficient to support the development of another person in areas that matter. We need to share observations and patterns, challenge old beliefs, use what’s in the room, and have the courage to enter uncharted territory, even when it is going to be a little uncomfortable.
Leaping Forward in the Field of Coaching
These are just some of the leaps that allow us to step into the future of coaching and, in particular, into a deeply developmental approach to coaching that embraces the entire system. There is one more leap that coaching, particularly U.S.-based coaching, has not sufficiently embraced. This last leap is the wisdom we can gain from having a basic understanding of the psychological dimensions of the human being. Becoming a great developmental coach demands a grasp of the vast body of knowledge that exists around this field of study as it informs and intertwines with our own best work as coaches. Without this knowledge, we are insufficiently equipped to understand layers of our own humanness as well as the psychological dimensions of our clients. Such an understanding provides helpful insights and shifts our approaches and interventions along the way.
The cultivation of our internal landscape is some of the most important work we need to invest in for our continual development as a coach. Many of us come to coaching imagining all we need in order to get started on this path are some skill-based competencies, a few tools, and a set of techniques to support our work.
The truth is, we need more than just the known essentials. We need knowledge, skill competencies, and a solid methodology to do our work. Some key tools and practices are also important. However, all of these requirements are insufficient in order for us to be at our best as great developmental coaches. If we are aware and observant, we get a wake-up call early in our journey as coaches, a bit of a rude awakening as we bump into the reality that the greatest tool we need to cultivate is our self. What’s more, to know one’s self requires a fierce and courageous willingness to explore the many layers of one’s inner landscape, a territory that can be elusive and enigmatic, confusing and paradoxical. This space can be intimidating if we have not spent much time there.
There are many professions and fields of study where cultivating an understanding of one’s self is not required work. This is not true in the profession of coaching. In coaching, our work is deeply relational. This reality necessitates that we thoroughly engage in honing the greatest, most versatile tool we possess as coach—our self. This means the whole, cultivated, managed self that we bring to the work of coaching to inspire and help effect change.
So where does a coach begin in this exploration? What does this ambiguous phrase inner landscape entail? How do I examine the many parts of myself? What maps and guides might be helpful as I begin this exploration or even dive deeper into an exploration that is already well underway? These are questions that most of us have asked. To get us started on this journey, we can look to a handful of primary and enduring theories that serve as helpful grounding for our understanding of the internal landscape in broad terms.
I have shaped an anchor for us from several foundational works that have examined the study of the self over many decades and through many theoretical perspectives. In order to illustrate the depth and impact of those perspectives on the life of a coach, I offer up some of my own personal experiences of the concepts and phenomena described by these perspectives. These vignettes of my earlier years and my making as a coach are meant to be reminders of how theories don’t just live in the head but how we, as coaches, embody them all the time.
In Chapter 2, I begin by exploring key aspects of Karen Horney’s neo-analytic perspective, then turn to Bowlby’s well-known work on attachment theory, move to Kegan’s self-object work on the developmental stages of the adult journey, and conclude the chapter examining Petrie’s concept of vertical and horizontal development. Each of these theorists provides a useful vantage point that is both broad and rich in meaning and aptly applies to us as coach as well as to our work with our clients. Throughout the sections, I offer myself up as an example of a coach learning this work and as a human being living these concepts. At the conclusion of each section, I offer a short series of questions for those who would like to use this book as a tool for their own exploration of self.
