Has anyone ever said something to you and youāve thought, āWell thatās just common senseā? Or have you ever made a discovery about how things work and thought āWhy didnāt I think of that beforeā?
Me too. In fact I guess we all have. One such incident happened to me whilst I was in my late twenties. I was listening to the author and speaker Jack Canfield explain a concept that had a profound impact on how I saw the world and dealt with situations. On reflection I realize that most people will think that what Canfield said was ājust common senseā and āfairly obviousā. And maybe theyāre right. But hereās the interesting part. Until that moment it hadnāt been common sense to me and it wasnāt obvious until it was pointed out.
So what was this insight, this idea that has had such a profound impact? I guess you could call it a formula for life. For me itās become the foundation upon which my SUMO principles are based.
The formula is simply this: E + R = O.
Now, in order to explain the formula and why understanding it is crucial to our lives, letās explore a scenario.
Imagine youāre driving in the fast lane of the motorway, when you notice a car flashing its headlights at you. Itās clear from their aggressive driving that they are not pointing out your car needs washing or you forgot your change at the toll booth. No. The driver behind you is in a hurry and youāre in their way.
So what do you do?
I asked that question to a group of twelve managers I was working with. As you read their responses ask yourself which, if any, you can relate to.
Karl said he would refuse to be intimidated, maintain his current speed and not pull over for the driver behind him. He may even use a particular hand signal to highlight the fact that he didnāt appreciate the other driverās behaviour.
There were nods of approval from other members of the group.
Brian interjected.
āGuys I canāt believe what youāre suggesting; Iād simply move in at an appropriate time and allow them to overtake meā¦ā
Before he could finish his sentence pandemonium broke out around the room.
āNo way would you do that Brian. Iāve been in a car with you,ā said his colleague Darran. āI know how you drive. Itās like a battle out there when the trafficās busy and thereās just no way you would react in such a calm and submissive manner.ā
āAnd quite frankly I wouldnāt want you to,ā piped up another colleague.
Brian, clearly enjoying the reaction of his colleagues to what heād said, added, āHey, let me finish. Thatās not the whole story. After the car had overtaken me Iād immediately pull back out into that lane and flash my lights at them!ā
The room erupted into laughter.
The energy and emotion in the group was quite extraordinary. A simple scenario had provoked such an animated reaction.
Then Linda spoke up.
āGuys Iāve never seen such high levels of testosterone bouncing around the room. You remind me of a group of monkeys on heat.ā
There was more laughter.
āSeriously though guys,ā Linda continued, āwhat Paulās just given us as a scenario happens a lot in our job. But whilst you lot are getting het up and animated about such an event, Iām using the same situation as my chuckle time.ā
Lindaās colleagues (all of whom were male) calmed down momentarily and looked intrigued and perhaps slightly bemused by Lindaās introduction to the discussion of the phrase āchuckle timeā.
āYou see, whilst you bunch of primates are seeing your blood pressure rise and your aggression levels soar, Iām having a laugh.ā
āOK Linda,ā I interrupted. āYou need to put us out of our misery. What exactly is chuckle time?ā
āItās quite simply this. In my experience most people who drive aggressively, flashing their lights and tailgating you, are men. And theyāre usually men in big cars. Now Iāve got a theory about men who drive big cars. So when they start flashing their lights and start driving in an intimidating way I will signal and move over. However, when they drive past me I will take a momentary glance in their direction and think āsmall penisā. You know what? It makes me chuckle every time.ā
There were a few smiles in the room when Linda finished but no audible laughs. Lindaās way of dealing with a situation that was common to all of them seemed to put her colleaguesā reaction into perspective. I broke the silence and the slight tension building in the room.
āWell thanks for sharing that Linda. Iām just relieved I drive a mini.ā
The room erupted into laughter again.
With her humorous insight Linda had made a valuable point, and one that brilliantly illustrates E + R = O. Quite simply itās this: itās not the Event but also how I Respond that influences the Outcome.
Itās not an aggressive driver thatās influencing my outcome but how Iām responding. One response can lead to stress and confrontation, whilst another can lead to a calmer journey.
Common sense? Obvious? Perhaps. But in my experience very few people live their lives with an awareness of such a formula. For many years I certainly didnāt.
In fact many people seem to live their lives by an alternative one: E = O. In other words, the outcomes...