Has anyone ever said something to you and youâve thought, âWell thatâs just common senseâ? Or have you ever made a discovery about how things work and thought âWhy didnât I think of that beforeâ?
Me too. In fact I guess we all have. One such incident happened to me whilst I was in my late twenties. I was listening to the author and speaker Jack Canfield explain a concept that had a profound impact on how I saw the world and dealt with situations. On reflection I realize that most people will think that what Canfield said was âjust common senseâ and âfairly obviousâ. And maybe theyâre right. But hereâs the interesting part. Until that moment it hadnât been common sense to me and it wasnât obvious until it was pointed out.
So what was this insight, this idea that has had such a profound impact? I guess you could call it a formula for life. For me itâs become the foundation upon which my SUMO principles are based.
The formula is simply this: E + R = O.
Now, in order to explain the formula and why understanding it is crucial to our lives, letâs explore a scenario.
Imagine youâre driving in the fast lane of the motorway, when you notice a car flashing its headlights at you. Itâs clear from their aggressive driving that they are not pointing out your car needs washing or you forgot your change at the toll booth. No. The driver behind you is in a hurry and youâre in their way.
So what do you do?
I asked that question to a group of twelve managers I was working with. As you read their responses ask yourself which, if any, you can relate to.
Karl said he would refuse to be intimidated, maintain his current speed and not pull over for the driver behind him. He may even use a particular hand signal to highlight the fact that he didnât appreciate the other driverâs behaviour.
There were nods of approval from other members of the group.
Brian interjected.
âGuys I canât believe what youâre suggesting; Iâd simply move in at an appropriate time and allow them to overtake meâŚâ
Before he could finish his sentence pandemonium broke out around the room.
âNo way would you do that Brian. Iâve been in a car with you,â said his colleague Darran. âI know how you drive. Itâs like a battle out there when the trafficâs busy and thereâs just no way you would react in such a calm and submissive manner.â
âAnd quite frankly I wouldnât want you to,â piped up another colleague.
Brian, clearly enjoying the reaction of his colleagues to what heâd said, added, âHey, let me finish. Thatâs not the whole story. After the car had overtaken me Iâd immediately pull back out into that lane and flash my lights at them!â
The room erupted into laughter.
The energy and emotion in the group was quite extraordinary. A simple scenario had provoked such an animated reaction.
Then Linda spoke up.
âGuys Iâve never seen such high levels of testosterone bouncing around the room. You remind me of a group of monkeys on heat.â
There was more laughter.
âSeriously though guys,â Linda continued, âwhat Paulâs just given us as a scenario happens a lot in our job. But whilst you lot are getting het up and animated about such an event, Iâm using the same situation as my chuckle time.â
Lindaâs colleagues (all of whom were male) calmed down momentarily and looked intrigued and perhaps slightly bemused by Lindaâs introduction to the discussion of the phrase âchuckle timeâ.
âYou see, whilst you bunch of primates are seeing your blood pressure rise and your aggression levels soar, Iâm having a laugh.â
âOK Linda,â I interrupted. âYou need to put us out of our misery. What exactly is chuckle time?â
âItâs quite simply this. In my experience most people who drive aggressively, flashing their lights and tailgating you, are men. And theyâre usually men in big cars. Now Iâve got a theory about men who drive big cars. So when they start flashing their lights and start driving in an intimidating way I will signal and move over. However, when they drive past me I will take a momentary glance in their direction and think âsmall penisâ. You know what? It makes me chuckle every time.â
There were a few smiles in the room when Linda finished but no audible laughs. Lindaâs way of dealing with a situation that was common to all of them seemed to put her colleaguesâ reaction into perspective. I broke the silence and the slight tension building in the room.
âWell thanks for sharing that Linda. Iâm just relieved I drive a mini.â
The room erupted into laughter again.
With her humorous insight Linda had made a valuable point, and one that brilliantly illustrates E + R = O. Quite simply itâs this: itâs not the Event but also how I Respond that influences the Outcome.
Itâs not an aggressive driver thatâs influencing my outcome but how Iâm responding. One response can lead to stress and confrontation, whilst another can lead to a calmer journey.
Common sense? Obvious? Perhaps. But in my experience very few people live their lives with an awareness of such a formula. For many years I certainly didnât.
In fact many people seem to live their lives by an alternative one: E = O. In other words, the outcomes...