Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling Couples

Keith R. Miller and Patricia A. Miller

• Verlag: Baker Books
• Jahr: 2017
• ISBN:
  9781493406494
• Thema: Theology & Religion
• Thema: Christian Ministry

Choosing a mate. Faithfulness. Maintaining healthy communication. Sexual intimacy. Blended families. Forgiving each other. Career and family goals. The challenges of infertility. Disagreements over parenting styles. The stress of money and finances. Aging and retirement. Couples face an enormous variety of challenges over the course of a marriage--including maintaining the marriage itself.Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling Couples is just what struggling couples--and those who counsel them--need. In a convenient spiral binding, this helpful resource makes the power, encouragement, and hope of Scripture accessible to pastors and counselors as they guide couples, both through premarital counseling sessions and when they hit those inevitable rough patches in marriage.

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Part One

Preparing for Marriage

You’re engaged! You have chosen that one person out of all others with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. You believe that God has brought you together. Plans are being made. For the best planning of all, you need to know the basics from God’s Word about understanding and preparing for your lives together!

Marriage in the Beginning

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See also Cohabitation, Contentment, Roles in Marriage, Waiting for Sex

1. From the very beginning, marriage was a part of God’s creative plan and design.

Genesis 2:18–24 And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” . . . And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (NKJV)

Genesis 1:27; Matthew 19:4–6

2. Marriage is honorable and for life. God’s design is for marriage to last.

Mark 10:7–9 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. (NKJV)

Malachi 2:14 You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. (NIV)

Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. (ESV)

1 Corinthians 7:39

3. Sexual intimacy must be reserved for marriage.

Proverbs 5:15–18 Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. (NIV)

1 Corinthians 7:2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. (NIV)

4. From the beginning, marriage was to be between only a man and a woman. There is no same-sex marriage in God’s plan.

Genesis 1:27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. (NASB)

Genesis 2:20–25 For Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. (NASB)

Romans 1:24–27 Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them. For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error. (NASB)

Leviticus 20:13 If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act. (NASB)

Galatians 5:19–21

Practical Steps

• Begin to pray with each other on a regular basis.

• As a couple, take time to write down your goals for how you want your coming wedding and marriage to honor God.

• Make sure you are working on communication. This aspect of your relationship won’t get any easier once you are married. Don’t allow conflicts to build.

• Take time to read to each other out loud. Use Scripture, and choose books on building your relationship. Begin with The Meaning of Marriage by Tim and Kathy Keller; discuss the material.

Resources

• Designed for Joy: How the Gospel Impacts Men and Women, Identity and Practice. Jonathan Parnell and Owen Strachan. Crossway.

• God, Marriage and Family. Andreas Kostenberger. Crossway.

• Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships. Chip Ingram. Baker.

• The Meaning of Marriage. Timothy and Kathy Keller. Hodder & Stoughton.

• Preparing for Marriage God’s Way. Wayne Mack. P&R.

• What Did You Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage. Paul Tripp. Crossway.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

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See also Materialism, Pride, Roles in Marriage, Self-Worth

As a couple prepares to enter into the marriage relationship, it is helpful to understand the purpose and dignity of life, that God has a plan and design for human beings above all his creation.

1. Men and women are the crown of creation, awesomely fashioned. God makes a strong statement of satisfaction after his culminating effort during creation’s sixth day.

Genesis 1:27, 31 So God created mankind. . . . God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day. (NIV)

Psalm 139:13–14 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (NIV)

Genesis 1:26–31; 2:7, 18–22

2. Men and women are of equal value in God’s sight. Both are created in God’s image. Believers are one in Christ Jesus.

Genesis 1:27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. (NIV)

Galatians 3:28 There is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. (NASB)

3. Our purpose for living begins and ends with bringing glory to God.

Psalm 115:1 Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness! (ESV)

Isaiah 43:7 Bring all who claim me as their God, for I have made them for my glory. It was I who created them. (NLT)

2 Corinthians 5:9 So whether we are here in this body or away from this body, our goal is to please him. (NLT)

1 Corinthians 10:31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. (ESV)

1 Chronicles 16:24–29; Psalm 127:1; Ephesians 2:10; Colossians 3:23

Practical Steps

• Complete a thorough study of the Genesis 1 and Galatians 3 passages that teach the co–image bearer concept.

• As a couple, write out your life goals. Make sure they are Scripture-based, centered on bringing glory to God.

• Spend time discussing each of your hopes, dreams, and ambitions.

• At the end of each day, evaluate how you were able to bring glory to God and what you can improve.

Resources

• Designed for Joy: How the Gospel Impacts Men and Women, Identity and Practice. Jonathan Parnell and Owen Strachan. Crossway.

• Fearfully and Wonderfully Made. Philip Yancey and Paul Brand. Zondervan.

• “Sexuality” in Culture Shock. Chip Ingram. Baker.

Choosing the Right Person

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See also Decision Making

One question we often hear from our college students is, “How did you know that your wife/husband was the right one for you?” Most of them have great anticipation about being married, yet are unsure about how best to make that choice and get it right. Key issues include knowing the will of God, and keeping Christ at the center of one’s life. Also, avoid being in a rush; remember the carpenter’s dictum—measure twice, cut once!

1. Believers must marry believers. God’s Word is clear. Israel’s failure to do this in the Old Testament provides an example of what to avoid.

2 Corinthians 6:14–15 Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? (NLT)

Judges 3:6–7 They took their daughters for themselves as wives, and gave their own daughters to their sons, and served their gods....