Part I Program and Family Introductions
Chapter 1 Big Brothers Big Sisters of Middle Tennessee
Big Brothers
Big Sisters (in the future will be referred to as BBBS) is the nationâs largest donor and volunteer supported mentoring network
. Their mission is âto provide children facing adversity with strong and enduring, professionally supported one-to-one relationships that change their lives for the better, forever.â The organization is over 100 years old and has had a considerable amount of success with young people in the mentoring process. BBBS has compiled some of the positive results on their website. They concluded that children in the program are:
- more confident in their
schoolwork performance
- able to get along better with their families
- 46% less likely to begin using illegal
drugs
- 27% less likely to begin using
alcohol
- 52% less likely to skip school
While each of the items listed is a wonderful achievement, this book will explore other more specific areas. Most of the studies conducted will be targeted at long-term progressions and success in life. My study will be relatively limited to my personal experience, but it will take into account the lives of several young adults that have completed or are currently participating in the program. The goal is to find out if the children in question have had significant changes in their lives and if those changes will be lasting.
The results listed above actually come from a study that was conducted in 1994 by Public / Private Ventures,â â â an independent â â â â â â â âPhiladelphia- based national research organization
. They interacted with 950 boys and girls from across the country that had participated in the program. The study focused on the first 18 months of the relationship between the Big and the Little. The demographics of the study showed that a large portion of Littles are minorities and most of them are poor. Generally, the children in the program are average students and almost all of them come from a single-parent
home.
The statistical improvements by the children in this study are â â âmostly positive. There were significant drops in drug use, alcohol use, and violence. However, there were mixed results in regard to academics
and overall family life. While the childâs relationship with their parent went virtually unchanged, there was a significant drop in reported incidents of the child lying to the parent. Also, there were significant improvements in the childâs behavior at school. Skipping class (and skipping school) dropped dramatically. The troubling statistic is that grades and overall scholastic performance experienced minimal change. While improvement in behavior will serve a person well throughout his or her life, it is discouraging to see that the positive influence did not improve their grades. We will talk extensively about this issue throughout the book.
Demand for a Big is high and there is typically a waiting list in most parts of the country. My screening process was very easy, but thorough. I completed an application that went into my background and history. BBBS focuses on education, criminal activity and working career. They do a background check on each applicant before proceeding to the interview process. This portion was also very relaxed. BBBS was happy to talk to me and appreciative of my interest. They fulfilled their screening obligations and after two months I was paired with my Little.
The first year of the program is a bit stringent. You are expected to meet with your Little once or twice a month and you get a call from a counselor monthly. They talk to the child, the parent, and to you to address any concerns that may arise as well as answer questions. Each conversation is confidential, but the counselor may make suggestions to any of the three parties about the relationship. They have a good overall picture of how things are going and this insight is invaluable. After a year, the calls come quarterly, but they are still thorough. The program lasts until the child turns 18 (or if the Big or Little decide to stop it at any time), but you are certainly welcome to continue to meet with your Little for as long as you like.
BBBS started in 1904 when a New York City
county clerk named
Earnest Coulter started noticing more and more young boys coming through his courtroom. He began finding volunteers to start mentoring these boys. At about the same time, there was also a movement called Ladies of Charity
starting to form. They were a Catholic organization that searched for mentors for young girls. These two organizations worked independently from each other until 1977â â â when they combined to form Big Brothers
Big Sisters of America. Today the organization operates in all 50 states and in 12 different countries.
BBBS has a few areas where they provide a little extra attention. They deliver specialized care for children of Native American
, â â â â â â African-American
, Hispanic
, and military homes. They also have an initiative called the Amachi Program
. Amachi is a Nigerian word meaning âwho knows but what God has brought us through this child.â This particular program is for children that have an incarcerated parent. I was invited to
work through this section of the organization, but also given the option to go with a more traditional relationship. I opted for the Amachi program and was matched with a child whose father is in prison
.
Chapter 2 Meeting My Little
In 2005, I was 26 years old and just found out that I had been paired with a middle school child named Jermaine . He was 12 years old at the time and I was told that we shared a lot of interests. He was extremely athletic and loved a variety of sports. I played football and ran track through high school and continued playing basketball, soccer, and softball recreationally. He played football for his school and spent a lot of his time playing video games. We had that in common too. It would not be difficult for us to find some common ground and figure out activities to occupy our time together.
Still, there are some key differences between us. Jermaine is African-American and has a parent in prison . He is a twin being raised by his mother and grandmother. He lives in a poorer part of Nashville in government housing. The northeast Nashville area is a diverse mix of poverty and âhipsterâ growth. Some of Nashvilleâs best restaurants are located in this part of town. However, it also contains the majority of all crime committed in city.
My police officer friend, Luke, told me that Nashville is divided into a pie that determines the border of each district. Each section has its own precinct, but the neighboring pieces of the pie also have precincts close to northeast Nashvilleâs border. It is a team effort to control the crime in the area. Northeast Nashville is quite a mix of unique local businesses and deteriorating slums. Some of the revitalization efforts in the area are absolutely beautiful, but you are always close to the shoddier elements.
After work one day, I set out to meet Jermaine. I am traveling through a part of town I had never visited before and got lost. My wife and any close friend will tell you that my sense of direction is horrible and this mishap would not surprise them. I got there a little late, but I was actually given bad directions. Being late stresses me out and I was a bit anxious upon my arrival.
The house is not what I expected. Their yard was as big as mine and the house may have been a bit bigger. The neighborhood was actually a nice looking community. In fact, it looked a lot like the neighborhood where I lived in south Nashville, an area called Crieve Hall. There was always a police car parked near Jermaineâs house. I was never sure if it belonged to a resident or if it was just parked there to deter crime. However, I never felt threatened or in danger while visiting him. Only one characteristic of the community alerted me to it potentially being Section 8 housing. There were an abnormally large amount of people frequently sitting on porches and walking around the various streets. Every time I visited Jermaine , there were always lots of people milling around outside. That was peculiar to me.
I knocked on the door and entered a setting that is more in line with what I was expecting from my visit. The inside of the house was a bit dark. There were only a few lights on and the sun had begun to set. There was also a distinct smell. It was clear that the home was not cleaned regularly and that many fried meals had been cooked in the kitchen. The furniture, carpet, and dĂ©cor were all dated. In addition to the 70âs appliances, pictures, and carpet, there were numerous people of all ages in the house. It was an intimidating environment for a young guy like me.
After sitting down at the kitchen table, I was much more comfortable with my surroundings. I met Jermaineâs mother Chastity and the BBBS counselor that would assist all of us with the match. Her name is Trish and we had a challenging relationship during her time with BBBS. Admittedly, I was about 15 minutes late to our initial meeting. However, Trish did give me incorrect directions to an unfamiliar part of town. This is before the GPS existed and I had to stop the car and call her to clarify where Jermaine lived.
I finally made it to the house and I apologized. Chastity was very understanding and warm. However, Trish said, âThis is Adam and he will never be late againâŠ.â I laughed it off, but I admit that I was a little irritated by her comment. Still, it was not a big deal. I was excited to meet this family and find out what they expected from me. Trish and I were âfriendsâ on Facebook for a while until we got into a small political discussion. We have very different political beliefs and our friendship would not last much longer after she left BBBS (discussing politics seems to get me âdefriendedâ fairly regularly on Facebook). I would have several different counselors while working with Jermaine and they were all wonderful; even Trish.
At the yellow-brown kitchen table, I met Jermaine for the first time. He is a skinny, soft-spoken kid, but not shy. He seemed to like me right away and ran into his room to fetch his football trophy. It was endearing to see his enthusiasm. We sat around the table and discussed the requirements of the program and they made sure that I had phone numbers for Chastity and for Jermaineâs grandmother. When asked about any other concerns that Chastity might have, she mentioned that she did not want me to expose Jermaine to any pornographic material. I was so caught off guard by that request that I am sure that I blushed. I assured her that that would not be a problem. We made pla...