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The Trouble with Asian Men
Sudha Bhuchar, Kristine Landon-Smith, Louise Wallinger
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eBook - ePub
The Trouble with Asian Men
Sudha Bhuchar, Kristine Landon-Smith, Louise Wallinger
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Macho men or metrosexual guys? Mummy's boys or blokes under their missus' thumbs?Self-made entrepreneurs, pukka professionals and successful executives with their Mercedes Benz lives and designer-clad wives; husbands, sons, uncles, brothers and fathers â these successful, soulful and spirited Asian men have come a long way from their origins but they've all got roots! The Trouble with Asian Men is a vital, tender and hilarious insight into lives that surround us every day.From the award-winning theatre company that brought us East is East, a revealing verbatim comedy that has played to sell-out houses internationally.
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Information
Verlag
Aurora Metro BooksISBN
9781906582784
Thema
LiteratureThema
European DramaThe Trouble with Asian Men
Parramasala Festival 2012
1. Woman 1 and Woman 2
Woman 1
I said I donât do Asians. I mean if you find a good-un yes you can trust them but how, where are they? Tell me?
Woman 2
Theyâre hibernating, theyâre hibernating Reens.
Woman 1
This is the newest thing now âYou have to listen to what I say, ok, if you donât listen to me then you have to go.â Yesterday he phoned me up, he went mental, said um, âWhere are you?â
âIâm in the pub.â
âWhat are you doing?â
âIâm having some dinner and Iâm gonna have a drink.â
He goes, âAh, youâre having a drink, whatâre you drinking, wine?â, he goes, âHow many times have I told you I donât like it, how many times I say to you you canât have a drink and again youâre having a drink,â and he went on and on and onâŠ
âIâm in the pub.â
âWhat are you doing?â
âIâm having some dinner and Iâm gonna have a drink.â
He goes, âAh, youâre having a drink, whatâre you drinking, wine?â, he goes, âHow many times have I told you I donât like it, how many times I say to you you canât have a drink and again youâre having a drink,â and he went on and on and onâŠ
Woman 2
She left me sat at the table for about an hour on my own.
Woman 1
No I didnât half an hour.
Woman 2
Ok half an hour, all sat on my own.
Woman 1
And he is just driving me insane. Oh by the end of the night he says to me âChoose me or a drink?â
Girls both laugh.
Woman 1
And I⊠I just feel I just feel a bit stupid going âOh Iâd rather have the alcoholâ. I said to him, âListen you canât say to me you are not allowed to have a drink, because my own mum and dad donât say to me, "Rina you cannot do this you cannot do that," who are you to say this to me?â He goes, âIt doesnât matter what I say, you have to listen to me, ok?â Heâs just a scratched record, âYou have to listen to me, if you do not then we cannot carry on.â I says âWell, weâre stuck in a rut here because Iâm not going to listen to every single thing becauseâ I said to him âwhat the hell do you⊠you donât even have anythingâ I said âwhat am I⊠what am I listening to he ainât even got a flippin passport (Woman 2 laughs) and you want me to listen to you.â
I says to him, I says, âJesus, I accept you for what you are, and you ainât got nothingâ but still I didnât care about that because he was so lovely to me, so IâŠbecause Iâve had such shit times with blokes, I said âOk, Iâll let go of that and we can just carry on.â
I said to him yesterday, I said âYou donât want to live in a mullah country?â he goes, he goes âOh because they suppress you yeah?â, he says âYeahâ, I says âWhy you behaving like a mullah now, trying to be a mullah with me?â (Woman 2 laughs.) âAm I correct?â
I says to him, I says, âJesus, I accept you for what you are, and you ainât got nothingâ but still I didnât care about that because he was so lovely to me, so IâŠbecause Iâve had such shit times with blokes, I said âOk, Iâll let go of that and we can just carry on.â
I said to him yesterday, I said âYou donât want to live in a mullah country?â he goes, he goes âOh because they suppress you yeah?â, he says âYeahâ, I says âWhy you behaving like a mullah now, trying to be a mullah with me?â (Woman 2 laughs.) âAm I correct?â
2. Man 1 and Woman 3
Man 1
Well, itâs lookin pretty good, Iâm currently seeing uh⊠a Scandinavian girl, sheâs uh sheâs amazing. Sheâs yup she keeps me uhâŠkeeps me in line, hehe. You donât want anyone, you know, hassling you and saying, you know uh⊠shit like that, you know; âHow come youâre there?â âYou should be hereâ.
Maybe itâs just the Indian-Asian girls I met⊠you know theyâre a bit kind of strange I suppose⊠you know but uh, theyâre always intense, just way too intense and kind of umâŠI just find them quite dull and shallow as well⊠you know apart from just⊠mm mm apart from a couple⊠the rest were just kind of dull and shallow and⊠I donât know you you just run out of ideas you know⊠you just donât know what the hell to talk about to them, you know they just talk about⊠you know silly, mediocre things and they donât seem to be very ambitious so that kind of stuff really puts me off⊠you know I just⊠I donât know I I like people with a drive, you know and I find Asian women donât really have a drive. Especially the ones I have met, I am not talking about every single Asian girl, Iâm just talking about the ones I have met. Maybe they were related or something⊠I have not idea but they were kind of strange. Yup, absolutely blondes are fun.
You know she she tends to be very love-y dove-y and she wants to⊠you know hold hands on Southall Broadway and I donât know I just⊠kind of feel like⊠you know weâre just being watched and I just feel very uncomfortable and then I feel uncomfortable for her as well⊠that you know sheâs being scrutinised being this white person with blonde hair⊠you know⊠walking with a with a⊠with a darkie, on Southall.
Maybe itâs just the Indian-Asian girls I met⊠you know theyâre a bit kind of strange I suppose⊠you know but uh, theyâre always intense, just way too intense and kind of umâŠI just find them quite dull and shallow as well⊠you know apart from just⊠mm mm apart from a couple⊠the rest were just kind of dull and shallow and⊠I donât know you you just run out of ideas you know⊠you just donât know what the hell to talk about to them, you know they just talk about⊠you know silly, mediocre things and they donât seem to be very ambitious so that kind of stuff really puts me off⊠you know I just⊠I donât know I I like people with a drive, you know and I find Asian women donât really have a drive. Especially the ones I have met, I am not talking about every single Asian girl, Iâm just talking about the ones I have met. Maybe they were related or something⊠I have not idea but they were kind of strange. Yup, absolutely blondes are fun.
You know she she tends to be very love-y dove-y and she wants to⊠you know hold hands on Southall Broadway and I donât know I just⊠kind of feel like⊠you know weâre just being watched and I just feel very uncomfortable and then I feel uncomfortable for her as well⊠that you know sheâs being scrutinised being this white person with blonde hair⊠you know⊠walking with a with a⊠with a darkie, on Southall.
Woman 3
Mmm
Man 1
Do you understand?
Woman 3
Yup
Man 1
Good. So you know I think it just depends and you knowâŠif sheâs aâŠsheâs a, sheâs giving me funny looks.
(Woman 3 laughs)
Sheâs been on Religious marches when we celebrate Vasahki. She in fact has translated uh a Sikh prayer called the âjup jee sahabâ into the Finish language which is going to go onlineâŠfor everyone you knowâŠfor the five, six million Finish people, huh?
And she wears a kara as well and why do you wear a kara?
(Woman 3 laughs)
Sheâs been on Religious marches when we celebrate Vasahki. She in fact has translated uh a Sikh prayer called the âjup jee sahabâ into the Finish language which is going to go onlineâŠfor everyone you knowâŠfor the five, six million Finish people, huh?
And she wears a kara as well and why do you wear a kara?
Woman 3
Because you gave it to me.
Man 1
And what does it symbolise?
Woman 3
It symbolises that God is one.
Man 1
Good. And Meena goes to the Gur-dwaras with us, we have lungars together, we sit down on the floor. So itâs⊠itâs just amazing seeing her making that effort⊠you know wearing an Indian suit and going to a Gur-dwara in Southall, takes courage.
So do you want to say something in Punjabi?
So do you want to say something in Punjabi?
Woman 3
Neh (Woman 3 laughs)
Man 1
Go onâŠ
Woman 3
Ha Ha⊠Sat Sri AkalâŠ
Man 1
What elseâŠ
Woman 3
Mira nam Meena hey⊠Twada ki haal hai⊠(Woman 3 laughs)
Man 1
Good. And what am I to you?
Woman 3
Um⊠shall I say that what IâŠ
Man 1
Say it, say it.
Woman 3
Shall I say it?
Man 1
You can say it, donât worry.
Woman 3
Mira jani man punjabhi sikh heyâŠ
Man 1
(laughs) Fucking hellâŠ
Woman 3
(laughs) Itâs a bit weird⊠now I said something silly⊠did I say it wrong?
Man 1
No No No you said it soâŠ
Woman 3
Mira jani man punjabhi sikh he.
Man 1
Jani man⊠jani man means⊠Jani man hun⊠darling.
At least I know my kids are going to be ok now.
At least I know my kids are going to be ok now.
3. Man 2
Man 2
Mum and Dad had no idea, you know, and theâ they⊠they spoke English, but they were treated as âThe Immigrant Lotâ, you know. And in Australia that didnât (starts to laugh) mean that you were somehow regarded as Oh! As modern-⊠multiculturalism came in in the 80s as a word, you know, but in the early 70s when they were here, er, under Whitlam, errrahh⊠and there were a lot of people against it, you know? The White Australian policy had just been dismantled â
Other voice
Only just.
Man 2
Only just, you know. And haâ and had it not been, we wouldnât have been here, you know, so (sniffs) um⊠There was a lot of⊠flak. I mean, my Dad talks about stories where heâd go for jobs and the bloke next to him had far less qualifications, you know. He knew this âcoz he was speaking to him just two seconds ago, before he went into the interview. But he was a white Australian bloke, and heâd get the job above Dad. And I thought Ah, Jeez, I hope, ah⊠That â that⊠really⊠shat me. Ahh I think it still shits me because itâs not gone, itâs still there in some ways in Australian culture, you know, I mean⊠Stop the Boats. The idea that theyâre being infiltrated by immigrants, and in so called illegal immigrants, which isâŠ
I remember when I was doing my my course that I hated â a Bachelor of Accounting degree â and these â all kids picked around Austra â hand-picked to to study this course, it was a very select course, and there was one bloke, o...
I remember when I was doing my my course that I hated â a Bachelor of Accounting degree â and these â all kids picked around Austra â hand-picked to to study this course, it was a very select course, and there was one bloke, o...