ACT ONE
SCENE ONE: THE LOUNGE ROOM
Lights come up on WOMAN 1 and WOMAN 2 having coffee in Woman 1’s lounge room. There is a coffee table between them with coffee, cups and a cake on it. WOMAN 1 has just seen the cake.
WOMAN 1: Karen! What’s this? You haven’t!
WOMAN 2: Oh, but I have.
WOMAN 1: You didn’t have to do that!
WOMAN 2: I know I didn’t.
WOMAN 1: I had a cake at the party!
WOMAN 2: Yes, you did. But this isn’t technically a birthday cake.
WOMAN 1: Aren’t you an angel. What is it?
WOMAN 2: I mean, it is a birthday cake.
WOMAN 1: You’re a devil.
WOMAN 2: But it’s also a congratulations cake.
WOMAN 1: Oooh! Congratulations for what?
WOMAN 2: Well, you know, for everything. For getting through this year. It hasn’t been easy.
WOMAN 1: Don’t make me cry.
WOMAN 2: The chemo, the divorce, you know, all of it. It’s been rough.
WOMAN 1: I’m crying!
WOMAN 2: And you’ve just really handled it with so much, just …
WOMAN 1: Oh!
WOMAN 2: Dignity and well, it’s just a little ‘go you’ cake.
WOMAN 1: A ‘go you’ cake. I like that.
WOMAN 2: Me too.
WOMAN 1: And I’m not exactly going to pass up another cheeky slice of cake!
WOMAN 2: Or two!
WOMAN 1: Or three!
They laugh. WOMAN 2 cuts two slices and they eat.
Mmm, that’s lovely and moist.
WOMAN 2: Polenta.
WOMAN 1: So how’s work going?
WOMAN 2: Oh, look, fine. The short answer is fine.
WOMAN 1: And the long answer?
WOMAN 2: Fucking, nightmare.
WOMAN 1: Oh, you’re kidding.
WOMAN 2: I’m just trying to get it all online, you know.
WOMAN 1: Yeah, you were saying that. I remember.
WOMAN 2: Well, you have to. I’m mad for waiting this long.
WOMAN 1: That’s a big job.
WOMAN 2: It is a big job. And it turns out, bigger than I anticipated. Is it alright?
WOMAN 1: Mmm. Heaven.
WOMAN 2: So I’ve just spent the last, three weeks, or more, actually, close to a month, just cataloguing all the products individually.
WOMAN 1: And can people still buy things while you’re doing that, or do they have to—?
KIMBERLY enters.
She takes the plate with the cake on it out of WOMAN 1’s hand and smashes it on the floor. She slaps WOMAN 2 across the face. She picks up the coffee pot and pours it over WOMAN 1’s head. She picks up the rest of the cake and slams it onto WOMAN 2’s face. She grabs one breast of each woman and squeezes them rhythmically saying ‘HONK’.
KIMBERLY: I’m going to the mall, and I’m never coming home.
KIMBERLY exits.
WOMAN 2: Do you think she means it?
WOMAN 1: My God. I hope so.
Lights down.
Music blares in the darkness.
A pin spot slowly illuminates KIMBERLY’s blank face in the void, staring at the audience. Her face recedes into the dark.
The music stops abruptly as the lights snap up.
A FATHER, MOT...