Prologue
Our three performers are silhouetted onstage. They look marvellous. Drag ball aesthetic. Category is: âPosing as a Victorian Sodomiteâ. They should have microphones.
As they walk the runway, they introduce us to the infamous Preface to The Picture of Dorian Gray. Loud music.
ONE. All art is at once surface and symbol.
TWO. We are posing as three Victorian gentlemen â
THREE. Henry,
TWO. Basil,
ONE. and Dorian.
ONE. More specifically, we are posing as three Victorian sodomites â
TWO. Robbie,
ONE. Bosie,
THREE. and Oscar.
ONE. The Picture of Dorian Gray.
THREE. By Oscar Wilde.
TWO. Published 1890.
TWO. We all know it.
ONE. Or at least youâve looked up the Wikipedia synopsis.
THREE. Portrait.
TWO. Attic.
ONE. Decadence.
THREE. Sin.
TWO. Et cetera.
ONE. Weâve been telling it for years.
Those who read beneath the surface do so at their peril.
THREE. If they knew who he really was, they would tremble.
TWO. Maybe thatâs why weâve been telling it for years.
THREE. Who knows?
ONE. It is the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors.
TWO. Thatâs you.
ONE. Youâre welcome.
THREE. Or maybe itâs the author â after all, Oscar Wilde said himself that â
ONE. Dorian was the person he would most like to be.
TWO. Basil was who he was really.
THREE. And Henry was how the world saw him.
TWO. It would be nice if you liked it â but â
ONE. Diversity of opinion about a work of art shows that the work is â
THREE. new â
ONE. complex â
TWO. and vital.
ONE. When critics disagree â
THREE. the artist is in accord with himself.
TWO. The reviews are in â
ONE. âMawkish and nauseous.â
THREE. âUnclean.â
TWO. âEffeminate.â
ONE. âContaminating.â
THREE. âWhy must Oscar Wilde go grubbing in muck heaps?â
TWO. Five hundred words were removed before its next publication.
ONE. Wilde himself removed anything that might be considered⊠Well, gayâŠ
ONE. We can forgive a man for making a useful thing as long as he does not admire it.
THREE. The only excuse for making a useless thing â
TWO. is that one admires it intensely.
THREE. Oscar fucking Wilde.
TWO. A martyr.
ONE. A saint.
THREE. A sinner.
ONE. An artist.
TWO. A husband.
THREE. A lover.
ONE. A father.
TWO. A homosexual.
THREE. An alcoholic.
TWO. A genius.
THREE. A prisoner.
TWO. A slur.
THREE. A fucking fridge magnet.
ONE. Scene One.
Drawing room. London. Eighteen-something.
Basil and Henry stand, staring at the portrait of Dorian Gray.
TWO. Oh and before we begin â
THREE. Please remember that â
ONE. ALL ART IS QUITE USELESS.
ACT ONE
HENRY. So this is it â Basil.
Your newest painting â
BASIL. Yes.
HENRY. Itâs your best work, you simply must show it at the Grosvenor â
BASIL. It can never be shown, Henry⊠it has too much⊠too much â
HENRY. / Lust.
BASIL. / soul in it â
HENRY. Whatever â Heâs pretty.
BASIL. Heâs more than that.
HENRY. Yes â heâs young â perfectly youthful â where on earth did you pick him up?
BASIL. A party â he entered the room and I knew⊠that he was⊠special.
Heâs the grandson of Lord Kelso â
HENRY. Oh that filthy rich sadomasochistic pile of sideburns⊠didnât he tragically banish his daughter â shame, I hear she was stunning.
BASIL. Yes the poor boy was brought up all alone in an attic.
HENRY. Quite right, children should be kept out of sight at all costs.
BASIL. How are yours?
HENRY. No idea⊠So tell me â how many times have you had him⊠sit for you?
BASIL. I have barely let him leave the studio â he is my muse.
HENRY. I canât wait to meet him â
BASIL. I donât want you to meet him.
HENRY. You donât want me to meet him?
But â heâs coming here, isnât he â you said â
BASIL. Please, Henry â Dorian Gray is my best friend. If you met him you would no doubt spoil him. So I would like you to leave â
HENRY. What nonsense you talk â
BASIL. Please.
DORIAN. Basil?
HENRY. Too late â You must introduce me now.
DORIAN. Sorry I⊠I didnât know you had company â
BASIL.âŠDorian â This is⊠This is Woots.
DORIAN. Woots?
HENRY. A bit of a nickname from the old Oxford days, know what I mean. Henry Wotton.
Charmed, enchanted and all that â let me touch your hand, donât be shy.
DORIAN.âŠIâm Dorian Gray.
HENRY. I know exactly who you are, dear.
And may I say, Basil â the painting is good but the real deal is even more delicious.
DORIAN. Pardon?
BASIL. Nothing.
Heâs just drooling over you.
Weâre jealous you see.
Weâre old and youâre young.
DORIAN. Hardly.
Okay, a few years â
HENRY. Decades.
DORIAN. â younger than you but really whatâs age?
HENRY. Everything.
BASIL. Woots â
HENRY. Sorry â but he deserves to know exactly what heâs got. Or did you want to keep him stupid? Wanted to keep him a little bit dumb and pliableâŠ
BASIL. Woots is a terrible influence â so donât believe a word he says â
HENRY. Why, Basil, you know that you used to believe everything I sayâŠ
DORIAN. Do I have to pose for you, Basil?
HENRY. Pose?
BASIL. Yes, you stand here and we â
HENRY. Look at you.
Like a piece of meâ/at.
BASIL. ArtâŠ
DORIAN poses.
Thank you, DorianâŠ
HENRY takes out a cigarette case or cigarillos/cigarettes and proceeds to smoke.
HENRY. I know you hate the smell, Basil, but Iâm having one â Dorian?
DORIAN. No I donât smoke⊠So⊠are you really as bad⊠an influence as Basil says you are?
HENRY. Well there is no such thing as a good influence, Dorian â
DORIAN...