The Maladies (NHB Modern Plays)

Carmen Nasr

• Éditeur: Nick Hern Books
• Année: 2022
• ISBN:
  9781788503624
• Sujet: Literature
• Sous-sujet: British Drama

1508. France. A woman dances compulsively – and soon hundreds join her.

1962. Tanzania. A schoolgirl's laughing fit spreads from village to village.

2011. USA. Cheerleaders are overcome by uncontrollable twitching.

2023. London. A group of women suddenly lose the ability to speak – and no one can figure out why. The team at an all-female podcast decide to investigate and end up on a journey of discovery, uncovering more than they bargained for.

The Maladies by Carmen Nasr is a powerful, provocative play, offering rich material for schools, colleges and youth theatres, particularly those looking for leading roles for young women. It was devised with the Almeida Young Company, directed by Yasmin Hafesji, and first performed at The Yard Theatre, London, in April 2022.

Scene One

As the audience enters the theatre an episode of the Empowercast podcast plays. Perhaps it plays in the bar or the foyer as they wait to enter the space. Maybe the audience can even download the podcast and listen to it on their journey to the theatre or before they come to watch the play.

The podcast episode is improvised and recorded by the actors playing CLEO, JESSICA, TAMARA and LEONIE. Maybe IZZY and MILES have a cameo. At some point they discuss and debate the feminist merits of the song ‘WAP’, by Cardi B (feat. Megan Thee Stallion).

As the audience takes their seats the podcast episode continues to play until the lights go down and the audience falls silent.

At some point the podcasters play the song ‘WAP’.

As the song plays, the lights go up to reveal SUSAN, CHRISTINA, MAGDA and CLARICE in full 1500s attire kneading dough. The song continues to play. It’s strenuous work. They knead and knead and knead as clouds of flour puff up around them.

TIME AND SPACE GLITCHES AND SHIFTS.

Scene Two

London. Trilogy Media’s central London offices. A recording studio on the 21st floor. The room is soundproofed. It’s at once extremely corporate and also obnoxiously hip. The room is set up to record a podcast, perhaps the microphones hang from the ceiling, or sprout out from the ground. The room is full of the trappings of Silicon Valley start-up culture, maybe there’s free snacks, coffee machine, mini-fridge of craft beer, branded jellybeans, etc.

LEONIE, JESSICA, CLEO, TAMARA, IZZY and MILES are led in by ALEX

DARYL. Wow. I can’t believe you are finally here! Welcome to Trilogy! We are huge Empowercast fans, I’ve listened to every single episode, I feel like I’ve known you all my life, like we’re best friends, and we are so pumped aren’t we Alex?

ALEX. Yeah.

ALEX goes back to her iPad and swipes and types throughout most of the scene.

DARYL. Leonie, Jessica, Chloe –

CLEO. Cleo.

DARYL. Cleo, Izzy, Tamara, Miles. Welcome to the Trilogy family! Okay, so here at Trilogy we always start the day with a feelings circle. Right, Alex?

ALEX. Yeah.

DARYL ushers them into a circle. ALEX does this while still swiping on her iPad.

DARYL. Okay. So one word. Let’s do – if your current feeling was a fruit what would it be? I’ll start. Melon.

A slightly awkward pause, until LEONIE realises she’s next.

LEONIE. Oh me? Erm… A grape?

CLEO. Mango.

MILES. A banana.

JESSICA. Okay. A pineapple.

IZZY. Plum.

DARYL. Alex?

ALEX. Oh. Sorry. Kumquat.

DARYL. Great! So Alex has a few documents for you to sign now that you’re finally in the building, so we’ll leave you to it for a second and be back soon to talk ideas for the new season – help yourselves to the jellybeans!

ALEX and DARYL exit. As soon as they leave, the podcasters scream with excitement and fist-pump the air, etc.

TAMARA. This is so cool!

JESSICA. I can’t believe we’re actually here.

CLEO. I know, this is epic!

IZZY. These jellybeans are flavourless.

MILES. I just want to say well done, guys, I mean look at this. Look how far you’ve come. I’m just happy to be here with you!

CLEO. Thanks, Miles. Let’s take a first-day selfie!

They take a selfie. Some of them start signing the contract straight away, as others read through it.

JESSICA. Guys, it says here that we can’t say ‘the tits’ on the podcast –

LEONIE. Who cares!

MILES. Have you seen how much our sign-on bonus is?

TAMARA. There’s a champagne tap?! This can’t be real; it has to be a joke –

ALEX and DARYL return, and ALEX starts collecting the signed contracts.

ALEX. – that’s for external clients only.

DARYL. Right, let’s get stuck into some ideas for the season. Why don’t we all take turns to pitch an idea? Who wants to start?

An ASSISTANT/NOTETAKER has also entered, we almost don’t notice them come in. The ASSISTANT is almost always there, and almost always a different person. If they aren’t taking notes, they are just around fixing things, rearranging jellybeans, restocking beer, etc. During the brainstorm, it’s ALEX who takes notes on a high-tech whiteboard, or something that can be seen by the audience.

JESSICA. Oh, I’m so sorry, Daryl, but we already have an idea all ready to go for the new season. We usually take turns, and this season is my turn.

DARYL. Oh, I’m sorry, of course.

JESSICA. Izzy and I’ve got heaps of research that we think will really resonate with our –

DARYL. Oh my God, totally, I mean the last thing I want to do is come in here and like try and change the way you do things. Right?

JESSICA. Okay, great.

DARYL. The thing is Adam, our CEO, has a certain way of doing things and he insists on brainstorms for all new seasons, no exceptions. It’s about harnessing diversity of thought for inclusive decision making, eliminating groupthink. All good? Let’s go!

The podcasters are caught a bit off guard and are silent for just over what is comfortable.

So, who wants to jump in first?

JESSICA. I’ll go. We were already thinking about curating a season around the menstruation cycle. It would follow the various stages of the cycle –

ALEX writes something a bit ridiculous like ‘period chat’.

DARYL. That sounds great, Jessica. Who’s next? Iggy?

IZZY. It’s Izzy.

DARYL. Of course. Izzy.

IZZY thinks.

IZZY. Can you come back to me?

CLEO. Erm, okay. What about endometriosis?

TAMARA. Or period poverty.

MILES. Tampon tax?

They’ve already run out of steam.

DARYL. These are all sounding quite gynecological –

LEONIE. What about fetishes? It’s always about the white male fetish. So we could explore like unusual fetishes, from diverse perspectives –

DARYL. I love it. Tell me more. Let’s hear an example.

LEONIE can’t think of anything. CLEO jumps in to save her.

CLEO. Okay. So. My friend’s friend’s cousin, right, her husband has like a bit of a breast-feeding fetish, like he always wanted to suck her boobs and stuff. She didn’t mind at first but then like it got weird and he started like drinking a pint of milk before and after sex, calling her ‘mamacita’ and shit…

DARYL. Oh wow. Okay. What else have we got?

ALEX has written ‘Milky Sex’. The podcasters try not to panic.

IZZY. My cousin used to be a stripper.

DARYL. Erm, okay. Great. Anyone else?

An awkward silence. It goes on for longer than is comfortable. LEONIE suddenly remembers –

LEONIE. Oh my God! What about that Slackerz story you were telling us about, Jessica?

DARYL. Slackerz as in ...