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Whatâs the Main Difference Between
People Who Achieve and People Who Are Average?
We are all failuresâat least, all the best of us are.
âJ. M. BARRIE
What makes achievers excel? Why do some people skyrocket while others plummet? You know what Iâm talking about. You can call it luck, blessing, or the Midas touchâcall it whatever you want. But the truth is that some people just seem to achieve incredible things in spite of tremendous difficulties: They finish in the top 5 percent in nationwide sales for their company after losing key accounts. They find ingenious ways to increase profits for their department in the face of budget cuts. They earn a graduate degree while raising two children as a single parent. They discover awesome business opportunities while colleagues donât see any at all. Or they recruit winner after winner into their organization despite what looks like an anemic labor pool. It doesnât matter what kind of work they do. Wherever they are, they just seem to make things happen.
Certainly all people like to think of themselves as above average. But achievers seem to leave âaverageâ in the dustâso far behind them that ordinary seems a distant memory.
WHATâS THE ROOT OF ACHIEVEMENT?
What makes the difference? Why do some people achieve so much? Is it . . .
âą Family background? Having a good family growing up is something to be grateful for, but itâs not a reliable indicator of achievement. High percentages of successful people come from broken homes.
âą Wealth? No, some of the greatest achievers come from households of average to below-average means. Wealth is no indicator of high achievement, and poverty is no guarantee of low achievement.
âą Opportunity? You know, opportunity is a peculiar thing. Two people with similar gifts, talents, and resources can look at a situation, and one person will see tremendous opportunity while the other sees nothing. Opportunity is in the eye of the beholder.
âą High morals? I wish that were the key, but itâs not. Iâve known people with high integrity who achieve little. And Iâve known scoundrels who are high producers. Havenât you?
âą The absence of hardship? For every achiever who has avoided tragedy, thereâs a Helen Keller who overcame extreme disabilities or a Viktor Frankl who survived absolute horrors. So thatâs not it either.
No, none of these things are the key. When it comes right down to it, I know of only one factor that separates those who consistently shine from those who donât: The difference between average people and achieving people is their perception of and response to failure. Nothing else has the same kind of impact on peopleâs ability to achieve and to accomplish whatever their minds and hearts desire.
WHAT YOU NEVER LEARNED IN SCHOOL
Soccer player Kyle Rote Jr. remarked, âThere is no doubt in my mind that there are many ways to be a winner, but there is really only one way to be a loser and that is to fail and not look beyond the failure.â How people see failure and deal with itâwhether they possess the ability to look beyond it and keep achievingâimpacts every aspect of their lives. Yet that ability seems difficult to acquire. Most people donât know where to start looking to get it.
There is no doubt in my mind that there are many ways to be a winner, but there is really only one way to be a loser and that is to fail and not look beyond the failure.
âKYLE ROTE JR.
Even positive people have a tough time learning how to see failure positively. For example, Iâm known to be a very positive person. (My book The Winning Attitude has been in print for more than fifteen years.) But I havenât always been good at failing forward. I wasnât properly prepared for it. Itâs certainly not something they tried to teach me in school. And kids today donât get it there either. In fact, the school environment often reinforces peopleâs worst feelings and expectations about failure.
Take a look at some of my previous attitudes toward failure, and see if your experience was similar:
1. I feared failure. An experience I had in college, along with my response to it, is typical of what many students encounter. On the first day of class when I was a freshman, the professor walked into my history of civilization class and boldly declared, âHalf of you in this room will not pass this class.â
What was my first response? Fear! Up to that time, I had never failed a class. And I did not want to start failing all of a sudden. So the first question I asked myself was, What does the professor want? School became a game that I wanted to win.
I recall that I once memorized eighty-three dates for a test in that class because my teacher believed that if you could cite the dates, you had mastered the material. I got an A on the test, but three days later, I had forgotten all of the information. I managed to avoid the failure I had feared, but I had not really accomplished anything.
2. I misunderstood failure. What is failure? As a child, I thought it was a percentage. Sixty-nine and lower meant failure. Seventy and above signified success. That thinking didnât help me. Failure isnât a percentage or a test. Itâs not a single event. Itâs a process.
3. I was unprepared for failure. When I graduated from college with my bachelorâs degree, I finished in the top 5 percent of my class. It didnât mean a thing. I had played the school game successfully, and I had absorbed a lot of information. But I wasnât at all prepared for what was ahead of me.
I found that out in my first job. As the pastor in a small rural church, I worked very hard that first year. I did everything the people might expect of me and then some. But to be honest, I was as concerned about getting everyone to like me as I was with helping people.
In the type of church I led, each year the people voted to decide whether to allow the leader to keep his job. And many of the leaders I knew over the years loved to brag about the unanimous affirming votes they received from their people. My expectations were high as I prepared to receive my first unanimous vote. Imagine my surprise when the votes came back 31 yeses, 1 no, and 1 abstention. I was devastated.
After I went home that night, I called my father, who was a veteran pastor, former district superintendent in the denomination, and college president.
âDad,â I lamented, âI canât believe it. I worked so hard for those people. Iâve done everything I can.â I was at the point of tears. âSomebody actually voted against me and wanted me to leave the church! And an abstention is as good as a no. Should I leave and go to another church?â
To my shock, I heard laughter on the other end of the phone.
âNo, son, stay there,â my dad said as he chuckled. âThatâs probably the best vote youâll ever receive.â
A NEW COURSE
At that moment I realized what an unrealistic view I had of success and failure. If anything, my college experience had reinforced the wrong notions I had about failure. And as Iâve helped leaders to grow and develop through the years, Iâve seen that most people are in the same boat.
In Leadership Magazine, J. Wallace Hamilton states, âThe increase of suicides, alcoholics, and even some forms of nervous breakdowns is evidence that many people are training for success when they should be training for failure. Failure is far more common than success; poverty is more prevalent than wealth; and disappointment more normal than arrival.â
People are training for success when they should be training for failure. Failure is far more common than success; poverty is more prevalent than wealth; and disappointment more normal than arrival.
âJ. WALLACE HAMILTON
Training for failure! That is a great concept, and itâs the idea that prompted me to write this book. Right now you are getting the chance to sign up with me for a class you were never offered in school. I want to help you train for failure. I want you to learn how to confidently look the prospect of failure in the eye and move forwa...