Get the results you want and come out as the Top Dog in every conversation Fancy being the 'Top Dog' in all your dealings? Fed up of feeling like the underdog? So many of us regularly 'lose' in conversations before we've even opened our mouths. Often without realising it, we don't see ourselves as a peer of the other person. And we transmit this in what we do and say ("I'll fit round you. I know you're really busy.") The other person picks up on this. And, without doing a thing, they're suddenly in charge! Top Dog will teach you how to lead in all your interactions, so you can get more of what you want, more often. Together, Andy Bounds and Richard Ruttle are experts at helping people achieve more from their conversations with others. Their techniques work in every type of interactionâconversations, socialising, dating, interviews, sales, marketing, and networking. Basically, anytime you want to impress and persuade others. Top Dog:
âą Details the skill set needed to gain competitive advantage from the outset
âą Provides instructive and thought-provoking content, relevant to both beginners, and seasoned professionals
âą Contains insights from working with some of the world's largest companies
âą Addresses how to achieve more from interactions in business and social arenas
1 Lead the pack Focus on others' successes, not your own
The secret to impressing a Top Dog?
Do things that impress them.
But people don't, do they? In fact, they often do the opposite. This week alone, you'll have been underwhelmed by how someone communicated with you. Maybe you received a dreadful email, or a tactless comment. Maybe they wasted your time at a pointless meeting, or made you sit through a tedious presentation. These things happen all the time.
Even worse, people don't know they're doing it. Over the years, I've asked thousands of people two questions:
Do you think your communications are generally good?
Do you think everyone else's are generally good?
People always answer âyes; noâ. In other words âI'm ok. It's everyone else who isn'tâ. This throws up a few points.
Firstly, it's mathematically impossible. How can most people be good at something; and â at the same time â most people be bad at it?
Secondly, it's clear that people don't communicate in ways that impress others.
Thirdly â devastatingly â what we hate, we do.
This last one sounds weird. But, when you think about, it's the only possible explanation. Since everyone thinks it's everyone else who's wrong, we all must do things to others that we hate them doing to us. For example, you'll hear people say:
âI hate watching a presenter use wordy slides. I just end up reading them as he speaks. However, when I'm presenting, I like to use wordy slides, to remind me what to sayâ.
âI don't know why I attended that meeting. The Chair made no effort to tell me why the agenda was relevant to me ⊠And now it's time for me to chair my meeting. So let's crack-on with my agendaâ.
âI have only two problems with my inbox: finding time to create my beautiful emails, and being forced to read everyone else's rubbish onesâ.
There is a huge positive to this. Since most people don't communicate well, it's relatively straightforward for you to stand out from the crowd. A brilliant opportunity for you! Or, of course, for them â if you choose not to improve.
Want to be better with people? Learn from the masters â dogs
This sounds weird (bear with me): we can learn much about interacting with others from the way dogs relate to their peers.
Why dogs? Well, they're arguably the most successful species on the planet, next to us. They've established themselves in every corner of the world. They're in our homes â in front of our hearths; in many cases, on our beds. They demand and get walks, toys, treats, blankets and food.
There are millions of them already; and their population is on the rise. Not bad for creatures who look bemused when the squirrel they're chasing climbs a tree; or â like the legendary Fenton â when some deer don't fancy chatting with you (if you haven't seen it on YouTube, watch it â very funny).
Dogs have domesticated themselves by breeding with other more sociable wolves. Humans accelerated this process by breeding those with the highest level of social skills. So when I look at my dogs Misty, Brook and Elsa, I see 4,000 years of wolf ancestry, with the same instincts and chromosomes.
As a result, an extremely tolerant and cognitively advanced animal (except Elsa) has evolved.
These wolves dressed in dog suits have charmed their way into our lives and homes. They live in idle luxury as a result. And we can learn from this! (Don't worry â this isn't a book on the psychology of dogs. But I will sometimes refer to the way they interact with their peers or âpack'. It's a useful analogy to explain how best to impress others more than you do now.)
Be the Top Dog, not just a pack member
âLife is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead, the scenery never changesâ.
Lewis Grizzard
Like wolves, dogs are pack animals. Interactions between a pack's individuals are complex. They occur with a strict hierarchy. The Alpha male is at the top with his mate, the Alpha female. These are the Top Dogs. Under them, pack positions constantly change as younger dogs challenge superiors at every opportunity. Movement occurs through displays of dominance and submission.
You see this mirrored in the behaviour of groups of humans. Alpha males and females are obvious when you see them. They tend to get more of what they want, and more often, than other pack animals.
As you adopt the techniques in this book, you'll become more of one yourself. And it's important you do. Many people âlose' before they even start a conversation. They're too deferential early on. Their words and actions convey âyou're my superior', not âyou're my equal'. For example:
Thanking someone for sparing their busy time transmits âyour time, Mrs Alpha Dog, is more important than mineâ.
Avoiding eye contact suggests âyou're too important to look atâ.
Being too quiet implies âyour words are more important than mineâ.
These set you up as the Beta Dog. The other person picks up on it. And â without doing anything â they're in charge. They're the Alpha Dog (or âTop Dogâ). This results in the conversation going nearer to where they want, not where you want.
You'll have had this happen to you. For instance, remember your last meeting with someone you felt held all the power? Someone âmore importantâ than you? Maybe you wanted a pay rise or promotion? Or were hoping (praying) an important customer ...
