Chapter 1
Knowing What It Takes to Negotiate
In This Chapter
Negotiating is a way to get what you want out of life; itâs not a skill to put into play just when you need to make a deal. Whether you realize it or not, you negotiate all day long â with your co-workers, your neighbors, your spouse, your kids. Any time you ask someone to say yes or to do something for you, youâre negotiating.
If youâre attempting to resolve a dispute, agree on a course of action, or bargain for advantage, youâre in a negotiation, and the goal is to reach an agreement that works for all the engaged parties. Even if your dreams or the numbers on your paycheck seem to hinge on forces beyond your control, you can create a master plan for your life and achieve your goals â one negotiation at a time.
In this chapter I summarize the six skills of negotiating and then focus on the first and possibly most vital of them all: preparation. I point out why preparation is important to successful negotiations and offer tips for how to prepare for a negotiation.
Six Steps of Negotiating
No matter how large or small, how important or minor, how near or far, a negotiation involves six basic steps. You can refine your delivery skills over time and fortify them with additional techniques and strategies, but your ability to execute these six steps is essential:
1. Prepare.
2. Set limits and goals.
3. Be clear.
4. Listen.
5. Pause.
6. Close the deal.
In fact, this basic six-step process applies to many areas of life â not just business. Try using this formula for everyday interactions. It can help you reach better agreements with business partners and family.
Getting prepared
In negotiation, like many pivotal areas of business, preparation is the bedrock of success. You canât be overprepared for a negotiation. Whether youâre negotiating for a new job or trying to win a major client, you must educate yourself about the situation and decide what you want to achieve before you sit down at the negotiating table. Heck, just figuring out what you actually want takes some work.
Establishing goals and limits
The only way to achieve anything is to set goals. So itâs no surprise that study after study shows that individuals who set challenging, specific goals enjoy more satisfying outcomes than those who donât. But itâs not always as easy as it may sound. Setting goals that are well-defined, realistic, and relevant requires careful preparation and disciplined focus. Check out Chapter 2 for the how-to on setting attainable goals.
Then, when you can practically taste the reality of your goals, itâs time to set limits to determine the point at which youâre willing to walk away from a negotiation and close the deal elsewhere. When job searching, for example, a limit to the goal of attaining a specific position is the lowest salary youâll accept in exchange for taking on the responsibilities of the role.
Communicating clearly
Being clear about your message, your intentions, and your goals â in what you say and what you do â is critical to negotiating effectively. In other words, your actions, tone of voice, body language, word choices, and other delivery mechanisms must all send the same message. Making this happen is often far more difficult than it sounds.
When you become more skilled at being clear, you can help the negotiation processes stay productive by tactfully pulling tangents back to the point of conversation and subtly curbing the impact of interruptions. Find more on how to improve your clarity in Chapter 3.
Listening well
The vast majority of people think theyâre good listeners, but the reality doesnât typically match up. So instead of gratifying yourself with potentially undeserved reassurance, find out the true state of your listening skills from objective evidence or from people who are willing to be brutally honest with you.
Learning to listen is one of the most important skills for negotiation. It enables you to gather insight about a situation that you can possibly leverage for your own benefit.
If you experience communication problems during a negotiation, itâs probably because you or the other party hasnât been listening. Discover more ways to improve your listening skills in Chapter 4.
Pausing as needed
Everyone has a pause button â a little whatnot inside your head that helps you maintain emotional distance when a situation becomes charged. The pause button can take many forms; it can be a short break during a heated conversation or just a moment of silence when you donât agree with someoneâs argument. Some people use their pause button more than others; some donât seem to know they even have one.
Closing the deal
Closing is the hoped-for culmination of the negotiation process. Itâs the point where everything comes together, when two parties mutually agree on the terms of the deal. But closing a deal isnât always a smooth process.
Even when everyone involved in a negotiation is more or less in agreement on all the important issues, sometimes deals just donât close. Perhaps youâre dealing with someone who fears making a bad deal â no matter how good the situation is and how hard heâs worked to win certain benefits. Maybe that person is you, and youâre wondering, âHow soon is to...