I Win, You Win

The Essential Guide to Principled Negotiation

Carl Lyons

• Publisher: A&C Black Business Information and Development
• Year: 2012
• Print ISBN: 9780713677058
• eBook ISBN: 9781408181270
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Negotiation

Negotiation is an essential skill in all areas of life. It is
a series of manoeuvres that we move through in order to get the best
possible deal for ourselves, our company or organisation. How far we
will go to achieve our goals is where the rub lies. Ideally, negotiations should be a 'win-win' experience. Full of
useful exercises, case studies and accessible advice, this book will
help readers achieve their goals by showing them how to:
prepare effectively
build rapport
communicate openly
enhance trust in their business
I Win, You Win is a thought-provoking, inspirational and eminently practical aid to getting what you want without compromising your professional integrity.

The principles

1
Focus on Values and Interests, Not Positions

We’ve already described how, more often than not, people tend to approach negotiations with a position in mind. The negotiator can become ego identified with the position and shifting from this will be associated with giving something up, making concessions or losing face. Consider two women in a restaurant. They are arguing over whether the door should be open or closed. The waitress comes over and politely asks them both to explain their reasons. One wants the fresh air that would be provided by the door open, the other wants it closed to avoid the draught. The waitress thinks for a while and then opens a window at the back of the restaurant. This not only prevents a draught from reaching the diners but also provides fresh air. Both diners are satisfied with the outcome. Without understanding the values of each party it would have been very easy to get locked into a positional stance about whether the door should be open or closed.

The more we identify with a position, the harder it is to move and the more it takes attention from the real, underlying interests that we are trying to satisfy. Behind every position there is a value. If you want your kids to go to bed at 8.30, then that position reflects an interest that may be about getting some time on your own, instilling discipline or making sure your kids get enough sleep. 8.30 is the position you take, but the interests are the things you really want to satisfy. In the earlier example of the sisters and the orange it is clear that if an analysis of their values, or interests had been made, then a much more elegant solution could have been found. One sister would have taken the peel for cooking and the other sister the fruit for eating. This would have satisfied both parties and would have been an efficient and waste-free outcome. The key to effective negotiation lies in looking behind the positions and identifying the values and interests that need to be satisfied.

The things that people want to satisfy operate at a number of different levels. I’ve called them values and interests. Values are those core human needs such as security, achievement, health, creativity or freedom. Interests are the things you wish to satisfy right now such as maximising the selling price, not sitting in a draught, getting a piece of orange peel as a cooking ingredient or getting the kids to bed on time. But notice that the interests are an extension of the values. You may wish to maximise the selling price to provide you with financial security or a sense of achievement; you may not want to sit in the draught because you value your health; you want the orange peel because cooking is the way that you satisfy your creative urges; you may be interested in getting the kids to bed on time because you value the freedom you get from the time on your own or with your partner. Your current interests are always attempting to satisfy something that you value. Understanding this relationship is a key first step in understanding your behaviour in negotiations. This holds true for you and for the other party.

Before you attempt to identify the other side’s values you must first of all be clear about your own. This may not be as obvious as it seems as we often have multiple values that exist at a number of different levels. Values provide us with a feeling of right or wrong about things: they are deeply embedded in our unconscious thinking processes and were formed very early in our lives through our upbringing and other formative influences. These provide us with a general background attitude towards life and can be seen reflected in our behaviour. For example, if financial security is a primary value, you will attempt to satisfy this in the key areas of your life. This will be reflected through your actions and you will satisfy this desire for financial security before, and sometimes at the expense of, other values. So, you may do a job that is unfulfilling but secure if security is a stronger value than self-expression. Your feeling of satisfaction and contentment will be linked to the level of financial security you feel, not only in your professional life, but perhaps also in your personal life.

At a more immediate level, you will have particular interests to satisfy. These will be an out-flowing or an extension of the more core values we have just described. For example, you may have an interest in tidying your house because you value a clean and ordered environment. Notice that behaviour is driven by a need to satisfy these underlying interests and values. This relationship between our values, interests and behaviour is at the heart of making effective agreements.

Identify your values

Before attempting to identify the values and interests of the other party, it is important to be clear about your own. Values are those really fundamental things that give you a sense of right and wrong in life and need to somehow be satisfied otherwise a sense of lack will result. In one way or another we are forever trying to satisfy those values that we feel most strongly about. To identify your own values answer the following questions:

• What are the things that are most important to you?
• What are the things that have consistently driven your behaviour in life?
• What would you like to be remembered for?

Write down the answers to these questions and see if you can identify any patterns in your life. If you are still having trouble identifying your core values, have a look at the list below and choose the three things that you identify most strongly with. Make the list, then put them in priority order in terms of strength of preference. When you have your shortlist, test them against your behaviour. What do your actions over time tell you about your values? For example, if you are identifying adventure and freedom as your core values, yet you are in an unfulfilling job, working for somebody else, with little autonomy, then there are some values stronger than adventure and freedom driving you. It may be responsibility or it may be financial security. Identify what you are demonstrating consistently through your actions and you will have a good idea of the values that you are satisfying.

Achievement

Adventure

Affection

Comfort

Competitiveness

Integrity

Intimacy

Involvement

Love

Loyalty

Co-operation

Creativity

Fame

Family Happiness

Freedom

Friendship

Harmony

Health

Self-respect

Spirituality

Passion

Personal Development

Pleasure

Power

Recognition

Responsibility

Security

Success

Wealth

Wisdom

In order of priority, my three key values are:

1.

2.

3.

Once you have a prioritised list of values you will have a better insight into your more immediate interests. Every time you go into a negotiation you must be crystal clear about the things you are trying to satisfy. Surprisingly, most people are not clear and often approach the negotiation by being reactive to the other party’s position.

People often say that they go into a negotiation having had the interests determined for them, for example, by your boss or company policy. It then becomes part of your job to ensure you have clearly elicited your boss’s interests and helped him or her to look beyond any simple position they may impose. In this case, your first negotiation is with your boss. Your personal values and interests will still play a part in these circumstances. If your interests are in looking good to your boss then the absolute outcomes of the negotiation will be less of an interest to you than the way that your performance is perceived.

The power of identifying values and interests is that there is often more than one way they can be satisfied. As with the women in the restaurant, looking beyond positions and understanding the underlying needs may create a whole new world of possibilities for agreement.

Discover the other party’s values

Identifying your own values and beliefs is one thing, but what about the party you are negotiating with? It may not be particularly straightforward to elicit the needs of those you are dealing with; there may be several parties involved and people usually have multiple interests; they may not be clear about these things themselves or they simply may not want to disclose them. Discovering the other party’s interests can be done directly or indirectly. The direct approach is to ask them! Ask why they have chosen a particular position or what it is they are trying to satisfy. This approach may give you the information you are looking for and then allow you to start generating some options around satisfying those interests.

If they lack clarity or simply don’t want to give information away, then there are a couple of methods that may help to gather information about the other party’s relationships, motivating factors, values and interests. The first is putting yourself in their shoes and the second is the skilful use of questions. Let’s look at each of these in a little more detail.

Put yourself in their shoes

It is said that Mahatma Gandhi’s habit before he entered a negotiation was to put himself in the shoes of every party involved in the negotiation, as well as the position of an independent observer. He would ask himself, ‘What is it they are interested in and what would satisfy those interests?’ Putting yourself in the position of those you are trying to reach agreement with gives you a unique insight into their thinking and therefore the things that are motivating them.

Here’s a simple visualisation exercise that you can undertake to help determine the interests of the other party.

1. Picture the person whom you are going to be in negotiation with. Imagine them sitting across from you in the negotiating room. Picture the room as clearly as you can and create the emotional and physical environment with as much detail as you are able.

2. Then see yourself float above the other person and ‘sink into’ their body. You are now in their shoes; look through their eyes and try to see the world from their perspective. From their viewpoint you can see your own body sitting across the table from them. What are they thinking and feeling about you? What are the things they are likely to be interested in satisfying and how can this familiar person sitting across from them help in the resolution of the thing you are trying to negotiate? What pressures are they likely to be under and what are they likely to be motivated by more than anything else?

3. Next float out of their body and above the table. Imagine that there is somebody that you admire and respect who is observing the process from a short distance. They may even be viewing the proceedings through one of those one-way mirrors that looks onto the room. It may be someone that you know, or it may be a role model whose wisdom and insight you admire. What would this independent observer be witnessing and how would they feel about the approach you are taking? If they had a piece of advice for you, what would it be?

4. Finally, float back into your own body and ask yourself if you now have a new insight into the values, interests and needs of the other party. What would it take for them to say ‘yes’ today and what could you do or say to make that difference?

Once you have undertaken this exercise, complete the negotiation preparation sheet included in Chapter 6. People sometimes feel that having an insight into the other party’s thinking creates emotions of sympathy and understanding which will weaken their own position. It is important to remember that understanding where the other party is coming from is not the same as agreeing with them. Having this understanding will significantly increase the chances, not only of your developing a strategy that will take their needs into account, but also of your reaching agreement quickly and efficiently.

The power of questions

The skilful use of questions is one of the simplest and most powerful ways of eliciting the values, interests and perceptions of the other party. Questions will allow you to gather important information as well as help to build the relationship with the other party by demonstrating understanding and empathy. Asking the right questions at the right times can completely change the focus and direction of a discussion and provide breakthroughs where they did not exist before. In our communication we are often driven by the desire to have our own point of view understood. This can lead us to be very one-sided in our communication, listening ineffectively to what the other party is telling us and perhaps being dogmatic in emphasising our own interests. If the other party is taking the same approach, then communication may not happen at all. When you actively seek understanding by asking questions, you will get a very different response from the other party. Skilfully crafting questions is part of the art of good negotiation.

There are a number of categories of question, each of which can be used in a different way:

• Non-directive questions
• Directive questions
• Empowering questions
• Disempowering questions
• Possibility questions

Non-directive questions are open questions; in other words, they cannot be answered with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’, and they are a good way of encouraging the expression of feelings or opinions. For example, asking ‘How do you feel about this particular option?’ or ‘What is it about this proposal that you object to?’ rather than ‘Are you unhappy with the proposal?’ will give you a lot of information about the things that are of value to the other party. Such questions tend to draw out the other side and increase the chances of them revealing their real concerns. Non-directive questions can help to build trust and effective communication as they demonstrate an interest in the other party who will appreciate your willingness to discuss their point of view. It may also give them a sense of security and control as these questions give them an opportunity to present their case in their terms.

Directive questions ask for expansion or evaluation of a specific area. ‘What are the areas that you are specifically concerned about?’ or ‘How exactly was it you arrived at that figure?’ are directive questions focusing down on particular areas of interest. Directive questions are opportunities for focusing on solutions rather than problems as they allow you to direct attention towards the areas of agreement and away from the areas of disagreement, for example ‘Under what circumstances would that proposal be acceptable to you?’ or ‘Do you see how this could be of particular benefit to you?’ Directive questions can also help to move the other side towards accepting your proposal by highlighting the benefits to them.

Disempowering and Empowering Questions

The way that our thinking processes work means that you get certain kinds of answers to certain kinds of questions. For example, if you ask the other party ‘Why can’t we seem to work this out?’ you will get a litany of reasons why not. If you ask yourself ‘Why is this always such hard work?’ your brain will immediately say ‘Here’s why...’ and start giving you a list of barriers to making the process easy. These tend to be disempowering questions because they focus on the barriers to making progress. Asking these questions will often keep you in an endless pattern that will not provide any positive breakthrough. If you are constantly asking yourself ‘Why me ...?’ then there is very little possibility of finding a c...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Contents
• Dedication
• Introduction
• The principles
• The practice
• Acknowledgements
• Imprint