Chapter 1
Entering the world
Dance Movement Psychotherapy and the complexity of beginnings with learning disabled clients
Caroline Frizell
This chapter explores the significance of beginnings in relation to working as a dance movement psychotherapist (DMP) with learning disabled clients. I explore the nature of ābeginningsā for the learning disabled infant, illustrating that experience with one motherās story as she faces the news that her child has Downās syndrome. I am not suggesting that subjective experience can validate generalisations about learning disability and I have no wish to reinforce a zeitgeist that seeks to theorize through personal experience rather than empirical research, mistaking āpersonal belief ⦠for public knowledgeā (Anastasiou and Kauffman, 2011: 369). In this chapter I explore how individual subjective experience of parents can bring into focus the uncomfortable and mixed feelings that confront us as we face learning disability as a lived reality. Through an analysis of that individual experience in relation to relevant literature, I identify issues that can help us to think about the implications for the transference when working as a DMP with learning disabled clients, in particular in relation to beginnings. I will finish with vignettes from my therapy practice to illustrate how the complex dynamics embedded in a clientās psychic infrastructure might manifest symbolically in the therapeutic relationship. I have full permission to share the stories in this chapter. Pseudonyms are used and some details have been changed to protect confidentiality.
A note on language
Throughout this chapter I use the term ālearning disabled personā (rather than people with a learning disability) to reflect discourses around discrimination and a āpolitical expression of the fight for rightsā (Slorach, 2016: 24) regarding disability. This use of language supports a social model of disability and locates the disabling factors in the social and cultural contextual constructions (see for example Sinason, 1992; Slorach, 2016), rather than belonging to the person. The term ādisabled peopleā has been campaigned for and promoted by the disability movement (Slorach, 2016).
Beginnings
Beginnings, like endings, play a crucial role in therapy and our entry into this world is characterised by relational transactions that are nonverbal. Daniel Stern (2010: 110) notes how āthe primacy of movement and its dynamic featuresā forms the basis of our ādevelopmental infrastructureā. As a DMP, I remain aware of the subtle nuances of beginnings as I meet with the particular developmental infrastructure of any particular client, the history of which becomes enacted in the intersubjective space from the moment he or she enters the orbit of my awareness. I pay close attention to my embodied felt-sense throughout the assessment and consultation process leading to the first encounter. I invest in my skills of observation and remain open to the way the clientās relationship with beginnings is characterised and evolves throughout the therapeutic process. Beginnings, like endings, hover continuously in the psychic space of the therapeutic process.
As a practitioner working with learning disabled people, I remain open to the inconvenient and uncomfortable truth of how many have experienced being welcomed into the world. These early relational experiences will shape the interpersonal dynamics at play and reflect wider socio-political perceptions. By listening to the dynamic processes emerging over time, I offer a therapeutic space for those complex experiences to be disentangled, felt, thought about, understood and perhaps replayed and reconfigured.
Learning disabled people have often experienced an a typical beginning. Sinason (1992: 146ā7) notes how ā(w)hen the wished-for baby does not appear it is hard for even the most loving, resourceful parent to feel deeply attachedā. As illustrated in the following story, when a parent learns of his or her childās diagnosis of learning disability, that āfirst mirrorā does not always reflect ābeauty and joyā (1992: 147). Instead, the parental gaze is tinged with disappointment and grief.
The story that follows is one motherās account of her daughterās birth. The mother-to-be is on a trip to a botanical garden when she goes into labour. A small girl skipping by comes to represent the motherās idealised notion of the anticipated child. After the shock of an emergency caesarean, there is a sense that something isnāt right. The parents are avoided by nursing staff who await the paediatricianās return after the bank holiday weekend. The parents begin to bond with the baby before they are confronted by the news that she is learning disabled. The news is delivered by a paediatrician who seems ill-equipped to hold the emotional impact of the news. A junior doctor is able to sit by the parents when their world is turned upside down by the shocking news. The baby is an unexpected guest and the parents too find themselves on the threshold of an unexpected and unknown world.
In the humid Palm House at Kew Gardens, a pregnant woman descended the spiral staircase. Her stomach tightened and she clutched the iron hand rail to pause. The contraction passed and she continued to spiral down, sensing the tailback of August bank holiday visitors stretching behind like a giant tendril.
She became absorbed in the sensorial world of the Palm House. Metal hoses hissed like giant anacondas and steaming droplets of water cascaded onto the leaves of banana trees and cocoa plants in the simulated, tropical atmosphere. A bulging droplet fell from a leaf as if in slow motion. The leaf rebounded with a shudder. She felt the shudder echo in her spine and put her hands protectively on her stomach, feeling the baby beneath the tightly stretched skin. A small child in a floral dress skipped by, calling to her father. The woman smiled, remembering her visits to Kew as a child. As she did so, she gazed into the crystal ball of her babyās future: a carefree child, skipping into adulthood and sailing into the next generation. It was an uncomplicated vision.
Exotic scents hung in the hot air that brushed against her skin as sounds intensified in volume. The anaconda hissed at intervals from above. Conversation slithered in and out of earshot ⦠ālook daddy ⦠did you see the ā¦ā Her eyes followed the little girl with tousled ringlets, skipping back and forth as her parents wandered around the palm house. Her stomach tightened again.
Her partner turned to her.
āI think we should go,ā she said.
In the maternity ward, they put her on a monitor. She saw the panic on the faces of the nurses.
āThe heartās dipping,ā she heard. āSign this form.ā She held the pen over the paper and watched it scribble illegibly. The anaesthetist peered at her over his green face-mask and the world went black. Her husband waited anxiously in an adjacent room. The baby was lifted into the world and wrapped in a blanket. As the woman came to, her partner greeted her, holding in his arms the tiny being with silky blonde hair.
That night the woman lay awake on her back, unable to shift position due to the caesarean. Her arm was tucked around a small bundle of white blankets.
āJust hold her for a moment and Iāll be back to put her in the nursery ā¦ā said the nurse, āsheās rather small and getting cold.ā
The nurse threw the woman a fleeting glance and raced out of the room. She didnāt return.
The woman peered at the tiny baby, overwhelmed by the delicate softness and the delicious smell of new-born skin. The exquisite features and the thick mop of blonde hair held an unfamiliar wonder to the woman, whoād never seen anything quite so beautiful. The curtains were open and a full moon hung in a clear velvet-blue sky. She stroked the fine hair on the babyās skin with the back of her hand.
Her husband phoned around with the news. Hearts warmed. Glasses were raised in celebration. Knitting needles crafted pink matinee jackets. Congratulations filled carefully chosen cards. The news echoed through the trees. The anaconda hissed a warning into the air, which hung suspended, waiting to fall from the edge of a leaf. Mother and baby drifted into a blissful sleep.
āDonāt tell me youāve had this baby in your bed all night!ā a nurse scolded, not long arrived on her Sunday morning shift.
The woman woke with a start. The bright sun shone through the window, making her blink. The baby was whisked into the nursery with talk of a bottle to top her up.
āPlease donāt give her a bottle,ā said the woman.
The nurse ignored her, āYou get some rest now ⦠weāll bring the baby back later.ā
The woman didnāt want to rest, she wanted her baby back. She had a strange sense of being avoided by staff. They raced in and out of her room, avoiding eye contact. Her husband arrived.
āThe baby is in the nursery; can you get her back?ā said the woman.
After a while, her partner wheeled the baby back into the room. The nurses had said they needed to consult the paediatrician. It was a bank holiday weekend and medical staff were mostly away. The baby was small and slightly blue, theyād said.
Visitors came with cards, flowers and presents. A helium balloon on pink ribbon wavered in the heat that shimmered from the hospital radiators.
The bank holiday weekend was over. The paediatrician entered the room with a junior doctor and some anxious looking nurses.
āWell, how are we all?ā said the paediatrician brightly.
The room was lined with professionals, looking anywhere but in the womanās eyes. The woman had made her way tentatively from the bed to a chair.
āMay I take the baby?ā asked the paediatrician, lifting the baby from the motherās arms. She held the baby at armās length before placing her on her tweed lap. Unwrapping the blanket, she allowed the babyās arms to flop down either side of her knees. The paediatricianās natural-tan tights had a sheen, which caught the sun, causing a shaft of light to curve over her knee and follow the contour of her athletic calf muscle down to her black-patent court shoes.
āHave you noticed anything about your baby?ā she asked, slowly shifting her attention from baby to mother.
The woman felt her chest tighten and her spine straighten. She shifted her glance from the paediatricianās professional smile to the baby. As she did so, the paediatrician began to bounce the babyās arms in her hands.
āCan you see sheās a bit floppy?ā
The woman wanted the earth to stop turning. She wanted to be back in bed with her arm round the baby, as the full moon shone through the window. The paediatrician put her fingers in the babyās palms. The baby didnāt respond, but instead, moved her head to gaze towards the line of nurses, each standing upright, as straight-backed as Mary Poppins.
ā⦠and it would be usual for the baby to grip,ā she went on. The woman continued to stare, her blue eyes piercing the paediatricianās charm, defying the theft of her dream.
ā⦠and have you noticed the shape of her eyes?ā the paediatrician went on, āthe epicanthic folds, which are typical of a certain syndrome. Do you see what Iām getting at?ā She drew her finger-tips slowly together to indicate a thin, elliptical shape. The paediatrician was becoming unnerved by the womanās expressionless stare, which gave nothing away. The woman sat silent in her chair. The paediatrician held her precious baby on her lap like a faulty specimen.
āThe baby obviously has Downās Syndrome ā¦ā the paediatrician paused. ā⦠you hadnāt noticed? And I suspect thereās a problem with her heart, as she is blue around the mouth. Itās not uncommon ⦠there can be little doubt, but obviously weāll do tests ⦠um ⦠straight to the special care baby unit I think,ā said the paediatrician, over the womanās head āweāll get her to Great Ormond Street a.s.a.p. ⦠oh, and can someone get mum and dad a cup of tea?ā
With that she smiled with a sympathetic tilt of the head, put the baby in the plastic hospital cot and swept out of the room. The anaconda hissed a billion pieces of shattered glass into the hospital air. The professionals clicked their heels and stepped up their choreographed routine, reflecting back the paediatricianās reassuring, professional smile. A nurse pushed the baby out and was followed by a procession of professionals, who jostled for a hasty exit.
Suddenly the room was empty, except for the woman and her husband. They stood staring at the open door. A shiny blue hospital floor led down an empty, silent corridor. They stood in a deathly silence. The paediatricianās words echoed in the womanās mind ā⦠you hadnāt noticed?ā Why hadnāt she noticed? They stared at each other in disbelief. Tears welled up in their eyes and in their confusion they quickly averted their gaze from each other. The flowers spilled out of the hospital vase and the helium balloon blushed a deeper shade of pink. A baby began to cry from an adjacent room. The sound was unbearable and cut through the air, shattering any small illusions that remained. The beautiful baby with the soft skin and the shock of blonde hair, whoād slumbered in her arms by the...