Counselling for Toads

A Psychological Adventure

Robert de Board

• Publisher: Routledge
• Year: 2008
• ISBN:
  9781134687152
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Psychology
• Subtopic: History & Theory in Psychology
• Index: Psychology

Over 3 million copies sold worldwide and translated into seven languages!

For over 25 years Counselling for Toads has provided readers with a warm and engaging introduction to counselling, brought to life by Toad and his friends from Kenneth Grahame's The Wind in the Willows.

Over the course of ten sessions, which correspond to chapters of the book, a very depressed Toad learns how to analyse his own feelings and develop his emotional intelligence using the language and ideas of transactional analysis. He meets his 'rebellious child' and his 'adult' along the way and by the end of the book, Toad is setting out on a completely new adventure – as debonair as he ever was.

Readers will learn about the counselling process and themselves as they join Toad on his journey from psychological distress to psychological growth and development. A must-read for anyone approaching counselling for the first time, whether as a student or as a client, or for the professional counsellor looking for something to recommend to the hesitant.

1
Mole finds Toad in a poorly state

The weather was changing on the river bank. There was something ominous in the air that had not been there before. Black thunder-clouds hung menacingly over the fields. A few birds flitted pointlessly among the hedgerows singing a song, the notes of which they seemed scarcely able to remember. Even the ducks, who had as usual been quarrelling and quacking about supposed snubs and alleged insults, nestled into the reeds and chose to ignore all but the most outrageous attacks. Only the river moved on, black and sinuous, always changing yet always the same, creating a boundary for some animals, a highway for others, and with a suppressed energy and power that was only dangerous when ignored.

In this oppressive weather, Mole decided to go out. If he were to be honest, he was getting a bit restless, if not fed up, living with Rat. Yet even as he thought this, he felt guilty. For had not Ratty befriended Mole, taken him from his dull old house and introduced him to all his jolly friends? And what friends they were too; and what adventures they had had! Boating on the river, meeting Badger, caravanning with Toad and finally playing an heroic part in the rescue of Toad Hall from the Wildwooders.

And yet, and yet…. Mole found it hard to describe exactly how he was feeling but it was something to do with his very self. In fact, that was it. He felt that he was rarely able to be himself because he was always standing in Rat’s shadow. If they went boating, Rat would usually tell him that he was not doing it right, like not feathering his oars properly. When they moored, Rat would check the painter to see that Mole had secured it properly and invariably give it another turn around the post.

If they got lost, Rat always knew the way, just as he had done when he rescued Mole in a snowstorm in the Wild Wood. Or that time when, on a long walk, they chanced upon Mole’s old house and, not unnaturally, Mole was overcome with emotion. Not so the ever-capable Rat, who took over, got the field mice to buy food and drink and organised a splendid evening.

The trouble was that the Rat did seem to be more capable than he was. He could scull better, he knew more knots and bends (he could even do a square lashing) and he really did take care of Mole. But in spite of this friendship and kindness, Mole felt dissatisfied. He wished that Rat wasn’t quite so capable and that he would let Mole try out things in his own way, even if that meant getting it wrong. Of course, this had happened, like the first time he was in Rat’s boat and grabbed the oars—and inevitably tipped the boat over. Rat had rescued him with great good humour and yet Mole thought, ‘If I hear Rat tell that story at dinner ever again, I shall scream!’

Mole was thinking these thoughts as he put on his raincoat and sou’wester. He said to the Rat, ‘I think I’ll just pop over for a chat with Toad. We haven’t seen him for ages and the walk will do me good.’ The Rat, who was murmuring poetry things to himself and was trying to find a rhyme for ‘effervescent’, scarcely looked up but as Mole was going out of the door suddenly shouted, ‘Be careful, Moley. Think of what happened last time you went out on your own!’ He was of course referring to the time when Mole got lost in the Wild Wood and Rat had saved him. Mole was furious and called Rat several unflattering words under his breath. Out loud he said, ‘Thank you Ratty. I’ll take care,’ adding sotto voce, ‘you stupid, squint-eyed rodent’, which Rat did not hear and which he was not meant to. But it made Mole feel better.

It was in this frame of mind that Mole walked over to Toad Hall, scarcely responding to the polite greetings of the rabbits he met on the way. He knew that he had gained their respect since arriving at the river bank and no one would demand any toll from him, as they once had done. Let them dare! And yet, did he only imagine that he heard one say in a rather horrid way, ‘That’s strange. You don’t often see Mole on his own’?

In this rather miserable frame of mind, he found himself walking up the drive to Toad Hall. Toad Hall was impressive, there were no two ways about it. It had recently been described in a glossy county magazine as ‘A gentleman’s residence, benefiting from a secluded position on the bank of the river, enjoying expansive views across the Wild Wood and beyond. All this is surrounded by extensive and mature gardens with outlying paddocks and other buildings.’ No wonder Toad was so proud of it.

But as Mole walked up the long drive, he was shocked to see how everything seemed run down. The hedges were untrimmed and the rose-beds were full of weeds. The lawns were covered in leaves and the whole place looked unkempt and uncared for. Even the Hall itself looked grim and forbidding. The white paint, which used to sparkle in the sun, was dull and flaking. The creepers and climbing roses, which brought such colour and vibrancy to the walls, were dying and hanging down like black ropes. The windows, always clear and shiny, seemed only to reflect the dark and brooding weather and added to the atmosphere of grim foreboding. Mole shivered.

Pressing the buzzer he heard the bell ringing deep within the house. There was no answer and so he pressed a second time. Again the bell rang loudly, but to no avail. ‘Oh well’ thought Mole, ‘I might have guessed that Toad would be out enjoying himself. He’s probably at his club playing billiards.’ This was a game at which Toad was particularly adept. Reluctant to leave, Mole walked around the house past the walled kitchen garden and came to the back door. He looked through the kitchen window to see what might be there. The room was empty, although there was some evidence that the stove was alight. He knew this room well, for it was furnished with comfortable old chairs in which he and Toad had sat and enjoyed many a hot mug of coffee on a winter’s day. And then he saw, on a chair, a large heap of old clothes. Suddenly, the clothes started to move! Mole, being a timid creature, was about to run off into the garden when the clothes fell away to reveal… Toad! Mole tugged at the back door and was surprised to find that it opened. Inside was the saddest Toad he had ever seen. Toad’s eyes, always large, were now hooded and dull. His cricket sweater, which he invariably wore around the house, was covered in food stains. And his plus-fours, usually immaculate and worn at just the right length, had the appearance of a couple of potato sacks hanging from his waist.

‘Hello’, said Toad. ‘Sorry about the mess, but I’m not feeling too bright at the moment’ And with that, he burst into tears.

2
With friends like these…

As Mole walked back from Toad Hall later that day, his mind was in turmoil. How could Toad, that exciting and excitable animal, have got himself into such a sorry state?

Mole recalled the many hours he had spent with Toad over the years. No matter what he was doing, Toad was always smartly dressed to the point of parody. Mole especially remembered Toad’s obsession with large motorcars and how he always dressed the part: large check overcoat and cape, an over-all linen dust-coat, a matching cap worn back-to-front, and goggles. And all of this complemented with a huge pair of yellow leather gauntlets.

At the time, Badger had pooh-poohed Toad’s appearance, saying that he looked a guy and that no respectable animal would be seen dead with him But Badger was wrong. Mole thought he looked extremely dashing and compared his own rather sombre black smoking-jacket, which he habitually wore, to Toad’s gay apparel.

Mole realised that Toad’s ill-kempt appearance represented a serious internal change in his spirits. His previous smart and sometimes dramatic wardrobe represented and demonstrated the élan and joie de vivre of that singular animal. The bounce and swagger were perfectly displayed by loud tweed jackets, ample plus-fours and the whole set off with a pink Leander Club bow-tie. So what did it signify about Toad’s emotional state that he was unwashed and ungroomed and wearing a sweater stiff with food droppings? And if Mole dared admit it, Toad, who always used a good cologne, was a bit smelly.

Later that night after their supper, Rat and Mole were sitting in front of a glowing fire, toasting their toes and sipping mugs of hot toddy. Mole had, of course, told Rat all about Toad and how he had found him. Since then the two friends had talked of nothing else. There was much ‘tut-tutting’ and ‘What can we do?’ and ‘What can have caused it?’ Gradually their conversa-tion petered out as each animal sat staring into the fire, thinking his own thoughts.

Eventually Rat picked up the local weekly paper and thumbed through it in a desultory sort of way. Mole was half asleep when, suddenly Rat sat bolt upright.

‘Mole, listen to this!’ he said in a commanding manner.

‘Oh Ratty, you’re not going through the small ads again, are you?’ said Mole sleepily. Rat loved to see what bargains there were to be had, although he rarely found one.

‘Be quiet,’ said Rat in an unusually stern tone. ‘Listen.’ Then he proceeded to read out the following advertisement from the Bankside Bugle.

“‘A qualified counsellor is now able to receive new clients. Animals who have personal problems which are causing them unhappiness or distress may care to make an appointment. Telephone Heronry 576.”’

‘Well,’ said the Mole, who had not been listening very attentively, ‘so what?’

‘You perverse and foolish animal,’ said the Rat, not for the first time. ‘Don’t you see? This could help poor Toady!’

Mole was by now fully awake. ‘Surely you are not saying that Toad is in distress, are you? It’s probably just a stomach upset. You know how Toad likes his food. And drink’

It must be admitted that Toad could sometimes ‘overdo things’, as he called it, and had been known to drink more than was good for him. Rat and Mole rarely had more than a dry sherry or a glass of beer and took a puritanical view of Toad’s occasional bender.

‘No,’ said Rat. ‘Although I don’t claim to understand these things, being myself a simple and uncomplicated creature.’ (Here Mole coughed and spluttered into his mug and said it had gone down the wrong way.)

‘But’, the Rat continued, ‘I am very worried about Toad, and I propose that you and I visit him tomorrow. I am worried that he might do something silly.’ Although the Rat did not explain exactly what he meant by these words, both animals exchanged anxious looks.

‘What’s more, I think we should show Toad this advertisement about counselling and make him go.’

‘Do you think he would?’ asked Mole. ‘After all, he can be a very self-willed and stubborn animal with a mind of his own,’ ‘You’re quite right,’ agreed the Rat. ‘But if he is in the state of mind that you say he is, he will be putty in our hands!’ With that, both animals retired to their beds, full of apprehension about the morrow and wondering how Toad would respond to their plan of help. For help him they would, whether he liked it or not.

And so it was that on the next morning, after breakfast, Mole found himself once again hurrying along the path to Toad Hall, this time accompanied by the Rat. As they walked, they discussed yet again Toad’s unhappy situation and what might have caused it and how they would help him. Rat carried the newspaper which contained the announcement about counselling, although Mole had already memorised the telephone number. Suddenly, a deep voice somewhere to their left boomed out, ‘Ratty, my dear little man. And Moley. What are you two doing here?’

Mole almost jumped out of his skin, but Rat said, ‘It’s only Badger’ and as they peered into the wood on their left, the striped head and then the rest of Badger appeared.

‘Well Badger,’ said the Rat, ‘what a surprise! I thought you would be at home slee—’ He stopped in mid-sentence. ‘I mean, working,’

‘So I was,’ said Badger, ‘but I have some work to do here. In fact, it concerns a planning application and as I am a member of the District Council,’ (Badger spoke these words in capital letters) ‘I thought I would walk over and examine the matter personally’ He then said in his kindly way, ‘But what are you doing here? You are both looking very serious.’

There was a clearing in the woods and the three animals sat down and Mole, helped by Rat, told Badger the sorry tale of Toad and the state in which Mole had found him and how, even at this minute, they were on their way to help that unhappy animal. Badger looked grim.

‘I am not in the least surprised,’ he said. ‘It does not behove one to criticise one’s friends, but (Mole had been waiting for this ‘but’) I have seen this coming for a long time. Toad, although he has many excellent qualities which I need not elaborate here, is essentially a weak and unstable animal. Bereft of his friends, who in the past have given him such good advice and told him precisely what he should do, he has let himself go and given way to silly and morbid thoughts. I shall therefore accompany you on your errand of mercy. He must be told, in no uncertain manner, to pull himself together!’

Mole and Rat were heartened by Badger’s positive manner and determination and together the three comrades, arm-in-arm with Badger in the middle, walked purposefully towards Toad Hall. Fortunate Toad! Help was on the way.

3
Toad’s first meeting with his counsellor

It would take too long to narrate all that happened over the next few days. First Toad was nursed by his friends. Then they encouraged him. Then they told him, quite sternly, to pull himself together. Finally, they spelled out the drab and dismal future facing him unless he ‘got a grip of himself’, as Badger eloquently put it.

But none of this had any effect on Toad. He responded as best he could, but there were no signs of the old Toad, full of life and eager to outwit their well-meant exhortations. Instead he remained sad and depressed, and the more his friends advised him in detail what he should do, the more sad and depressed he became.

Finally, Badger could stand it no longer. That admirable animal, though long on exhortation, was short on patience.

‘Now, look here Toad, this can go on no longer. We are all trying to help you, but it seems you won’t (or can’t, thought Mole perceptively) help yourself. There is only one thing left. You must have counselling!’

There was a shocked silence. Even Toad sat up a little straighter. None of the animals knew fully what counselling meant, but they knew it was a mysterious activity undertaken by people who had experienced some severe or shocking event. The Rat, who was a tradi-tionalist at heart, said, ‘Do you really think Toad is that bad? I mean, don’t you think it’s a bit trendy, all this counselling? It seems from the newspapers that everyone these days is given counselling. In my day, people in trouble were given a couple of aspirin. It probably did them more good.’ Ratty remembered that the original suggestion about counselling had come from him and he was beginning to get cold feet.

‘But we’ve got the address of a local counsellor,’ said the Mole. ‘I thought we had agreed that Toad ought to see him. I agree with Badger.’

‘Well said, Mole,’ answered Badger. ‘You mustn’t be worried, Ratty. Toad must be in a very poor state of health if even the advice I can offer appears to fall on deaf ears. I know that you can be obstinate, Toad, but it does seem that you need some kind of help which, surprisingly, your friends cannot give you. Desperate circumstances require desperate remedies. We must try counselling.’

And so it happened that, after much telephoning and arranging and pushing and pleading, Toad arrived at a large house called The Heronry. It was a foursquare, three-storeyed building of red brick mellowed to a terracotta colour with occasional bands of yellow. It had an air of permanence and sensible values and looked the sort of house where a family might remain for a long time. After ringing the bell, Toad was shown to a book-lined room with some chairs and a large desk on which sat odds and ends, including a china head with words written all over the skull. It bore the legend ‘Phrenology by L.N.Fowler’.

The Heron entered, looking tall and wise, and sat on the chair opposite Toad. He wished Toad good morning and then sat quietly looking at him. Toad, who had become used to people talking at him, waited for the lecture to begin. But nothing happened. In this silence, Toad could feel the blood pulsing in his head and it seemed as if this was pumping up the tension in the room. He began to feel very uncomfortable. The Heron continued to look at him. Finally Toad could stand it no longer.

‘Aren’t you going to tell me what to do?’ he asked plaintively.

‘About what?’ answered Heron.

‘Well, tell me what I have to do to get better.’

‘Are you feeling unwell?’

‘Yes, I am. But surely they have told you all about me?’

‘Who are “they”?’ asked Heron.

‘Oh, you know. Badger and Rat and all that lot.’ And with those words, Toad started to cry and let loose a flood of unhappiness that, all unknowingly, he had kept pent up for a long time. The Heron remained silent but pushed a box of paper tissues nearer to him. Eventually Toad’s sobs subsided and he drew breath, and he felt a little better. Then the Heron spoke.

‘Would you like to tell me why you are here?’

‘I am here’, said Toad, ‘because they made me come.They said that I needed counselling and they got your name from the newspaper. And I am ready to listen to you and do whatever you think best. I know that they have my best interests at heart.’

The Counsellor shifted in his chair. ‘So who is my client, you or them?’

Toad did not quite understand.

‘Look,’ said the Counsellor, ‘your friends want me to counsel you so that their worry about you will be relieved. You seem to want to be helped in order to please them. So I think that my client is really your friends.’ Toad was confused by ...