The Cocktail Party

T. S. Eliot

• Publisher: Ecco
• Year: 2014
• ISBN:
  9780547543611
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

A comedic play about the universal quest for meaning, written in some of Eliot's "most beautiful poetry" ( The New York Times ). A sterling example of contemporary theater, The Cocktail Party is a dramatic tour de force from one of our greatest writers to date.

Act I. Scene 1

The drawing room of the Chamberlaynes’ London flat. Early evening. EDWARD CHAMBERLAYNE, JULIA SHUTTLETHWAITE, CELIA COPLESTONE, PETER QUILPE, ALEXANDER MACCOLGIE GIBBS, and an UNIDENTIFIED GUEST.

ALEX

You’ve missed the point completely, Julia:

There were no tigers. That was the point.

JULIA

Then what were you doing, up in a tree:

You and the Maharaja?

ALEX

My dear Julia!

It’s perfectly hopeless. You haven’t been listening.

PETER

You’ll have to tell us all over again, Alex.

ALEX

I never tell the same story twice.

JULIA

But I’m still waiting to know what happened.

I know it started as a story about tigers.

ALEX

I said there were no tigers.

CELIA

Oh do stop wrangling,

Both of you. It’s your turn, Julia.

Do tell us that story you told the other day, about

Lady Klootz and the wedding cake.

PETER

And how the butler found her in the pantry, rinsing her

mouth out with champagne.

I like that story.

CELIA

I love that story.

ALEX

I’m never tired of hearing that story.

JULIA

Well, you all seem to know it.

CELIA

Do we all know it?

But we’re never tired of hearing you tell it.

I don’t believe everyone here knows it.

[To the UNIDENTIFIED GUEST]

You don’t know it, do you?

UNIDENTIFIED GUEST

No, I’ve never heard it.

CELIA

Here’s one new listener for you, Julia;

And I don’t believe that Edward knows it.

EDWARD

I may have heard it, but I don’t remember it.

CELIA

And Julia’s the only person to tell it.

She’s such a good mimic.

JULIA

Am I a good mimic?

PETER

You are a good mimic. You never miss anything.

ALEX

She never misses anything unless she wants to.

CELIA

Especially the Lithuanian accent.

JULIA

Lithuanian? Lady Klootz?

PETER

I thought she was Belgian.

ALEX

Her father belonged to a Baltic family—

One of the oldest Baltic families

With a branch in Sweden and one in Denmark.

There were several very lovely daughters:

I wonder what’s become of them now.

JULIA

Lady Klootz was very lovely, once upon a time.

What a life she led! I used to say to her: ‘Greta!

You have too much vitality.’ But she enjoyed herself.

[To the UNIDENTIFIED GUEST]

Did you know Lady Klootz?

UNIDENTIFIED GUEST

No, I never met her.

CELIA

Go on with the story about the wedding cake.

JULIA

Well, but it really isn’t my story.

I heard it first from Delia Verinder

Who was there when it happened.

[To the UNIDENTIFIED GUEST]

Do you know Delia Verinder?

UNIDENTIFIED GUEST

No, I don’t know her.

JULIA

Well, one can’t be too careful

Before one tells a story.

ALEX

Delia Verinder?

Was she the one who had three brothers?

JULIA

How many brothers? Two, I think.

ALEX

No, there were three, but you wouldn’t know the third

one:

They kept him rather quiet.

JULIA

Oh, you mean that one.

ALEX

He was feeble-minded.

JULIA

Oh, not feeble-minded:

He was only harmless.

ALEX

Well then, harmless.

JULIA

He was very clever a...