Itâs Not About You
When Blake got to his office, he already had an email from Debbie with the names of the men and women in his fatherâs former group. Judging from their titles alone, it looked like an eclectic groupâa CEO, a judge, the leader of a large nonprofit, a high school football coach, and a school superintendent.
Blake started making calls and scheduling meetings. He was delighted that everyone he called seemed genuinely interested in meeting with him.
His first meeting was in about a week.
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Monday morning at 7:00, Blake found himself standing on the curb in front of an old building in the heart of the city. He was not alone; a couple of dozen other people waited for the doors to open as well. As Blake looked at his watch, he had a sense that no one else in the group was concerned about the time. Although he was attempting not to be judgmental, he assumed, based on their appearance, that his companions on the curb were all homeless. The crowd had gathered at Heavenâs Kitchen, a nonprofit organization started by Chad Culpepper. Chad was the youngest member of his dadâs small group. He had joined right out of college.
At about 7:05, the doors opened. Blake and the others made their way into a large room with long tables. The men and women whoâd been waiting formed a line at one end of the room. They seemed to know the routine.
Blake watched as people went through the line, picking up what looked like oatmeal and a piece of toast. At the endâwhere you would expect a cash register to beâeach guest was greeted by a young man. Although Blake couldnât hear what was being said, he noticed that the conversations were brief; they all seemed to begin with a handshake and end with a hug.
After watching for about five minutes, Blake realized he should probably be looking for Chad. He approached one of the hostesses in the dining room.
âHi, Iâm looking for Chad.â The woman pointed to the man at the end of the line. He was the one everyone talked to before they sat down to eat.
Just then, Chad caught Blakeâs eye and motioned him over. Chad was standing there with a man who appeared to be about 80 years old. Blake knew it was probably just life on the street that had aged his appearance.
Chad spoke first as Blake approached, âYou must be Blake. Thanks for coming by. I want you to meet someone. This is Larry. Larry, this is Blake. Blake is Jeff Brownâs son.â
âJeff Brown was the finest man I ever knew,â Larry said.
Blake was flabbergasted. âYou knew my dad?â
âKnew him? He was my hero. He used to stand right here where Chad is standing today. He established the handshake and the hug ritual. He taught usâno, he showed usâthat we mattered regardless of our circumstances. He showed us honor, dignity, and respect ⊠and he loved us.â
Blake just stood there, literally speechless.
Chad broke the awkward silence. âLarryâs had some hard times, but heâs making it. He works several days a week now. Heâs also been in school recently learning to be a mechanic.â
âOne more semester.â Larry smiled.
âWeâre here just to help him get by until he can get back on his feet. Thanks for coming in today, Larry.â
âThank you, Chad.â Larry gave Chad a hug and turned and hugged Blake also.
Blake was still trying to get his bearings. He was feeling overwhelmed. The place, the people, the need, the hugs, the fact Larry knew his dad. It was all a bit too much in the moment.
Chad said, âLetâs have a seat.â He motioned to someone else who took over his spot at the end of the line.
The handshake and hug would continue to be part of every guestâs visit.
âThanks for coming today, Blake.â
âLarry knew my dad,â Blake said, still trying to process what heâd just learned.
âYes, many of the men and women in here this morning knew your dad.â
âHow did they know him?â Blake asked.
âHe used to come here a lot. As Larry said, he stood right there giving out handshakes and hugs.â
âI didnât know. How could I not know?â
âYour dad didnât come here for attention; he came here to give it. Maybe thatâs why he didnât tell you.â
âWow. I knew my dad was a great leader, but this is a side of him I didnât know about.â
âMaybe youâre getting an insight into why he was a great leader,â Chad added. âNow, why did you want to meet today?â
âOh, yes, Iâm trying to strengthen my leadership character. Debbie Brewster suggested I meet with you.â
âI love these meetings!â Chadâs energy level picked up a level. âBefore we proceed, who else have you met with?â
âYouâre the first on my list.â
âI love being first.â
âWhy?â
âBecause I think what Iâve got to say is the most important.â
âReally? Why is what you have to share with me most important?â
âHas someone drawn the iceberg for you?â
âYes, Debbie did.â
âGreat, weâll skip that. But you remember, leadership is both whatâs above the waterlineââ
âThe skills,â Blake interjected.
âYes, the skillsâbut the majority of leadership is whatâs below the waterline. Thatâs what youâre trying to learn aboutâleadership character. Itâs the game changer. Your ultimate success will not be determined by your level of skills. Leaders rarely fail because of lack of skills. Theyâre too easy to learn. Itâs leadership character that trips up a lot of leaders.
âSo your challenge and mine is to understand, embrace, and cultivate both the leadership character and the skills needed to lead.â
âThatâs sounds like a great summary of what Debbieâs been trying to help me understand.â This conversation was already helping Blake get clarity on the challenge ahead. Now he just needed some of the specifics about this thing called leadership character.
âOkay, so what do you believe is the most important element of leadership character?â
âThink others first,â Chad said.
Blake jotted down Chadâs comment.
âExactly what does that mean to you?â Blake wanted to be clear on the implications.
âIn my opinion, this is what really separates the best leaders from everyone else. If you miss this one, youâll struggle with all the other things youâre going to learn on your visits about leadership character ⊠and youâll never be a great servant leader.â
âNow, I did hear my dad talk about servant leadership. To tell you the truth, I donât think I was listening too well. I was just a kid, and I was not thinking about serving others. I was mostly focused on me and my life.â
âThatâs understandable. And I think your choice of words is insightful. Many leaders stumble because they never get past that point.â
âWhich point?â Blake asked.
âThe point where they are completely focused on their life, their career, their agenda, and their recognition. Iâm glad youâre here today. Youâre still young. Your greatest leadership impact can still lie in your future.â
âIâm glad to be here, too. Letâs go back to this idea of servant leadership. I have a couple of questionsâfirst, what is it, exactly?â
âServant leadership is an approach contrary to conventional leadership in which the leaderâs focus is on himself and what he can accomplish and achieve. Rather, the focus is on those being served. Servant leaders do many of the same things other leaders doâcast vision, build teams, allocate resources, and so on. The big difference is their orientation and their motivation; these make all the difference in the world. They possess an others-first mindset. The servant leader constantly works to help others win.â
âCanât you lead without being a servant leader?â
âSure you can. But in most settings, traditional leadership is outdated. It relies too heavily on the contribution of the leader and undervalues the talent and skills of those being led. The best leaders want to leverage all the capabilities of the people in their organization. I donât want to get stuck with old, antiquated methods. Servant leadership is a higher form of leadership. Servant leadership is the path to superior, sustained results.â
âWhy does servant leadership work so well?â
âServant leadership works for many reasons: First, it focuses on othersâspecifically, those you desire to lead. Your ever-present question is not what can you do for yourself; rather, it is how can you serve them? When decisions are made, you consider the organization and your people before you weigh the personal consequences.
âServant leadership also works because it honors peopleâbeing a servant leader acknowledges the different roles, responsibilities, and strengths of people. It is not about whoâs in charge. Itâs about who is responsible for what, and how can I, as the leader, help people be successful?
âAnother reason it works so well is servant leadership builds trustâwe trust leaders whose motives are others-centered. Candor, feedback, encouragement, and even directives feel different when trust is present. When our leaders serve, we trust them more. Trust is also a key ingredient in loyalty and retention.
âNext, it raises engagementâthere is clearly an inspirational component at play when we see our leaders serve on our behalf. It energizes us as followers. When you and I believe that our leaders are for us and that they want to serve us, we want to serve them and the organizations they lead.
âAnd finally, leadership always reveals the heart of the leaderâeven when what is exposed is not pretty. If it is a heart focused on serving together to accomplish a common goal, it motivates people to do their best work. The sense that weâre doing this together makes servant leadership extremely powerful.â
âWow! It sounds like youâve thought about this,â Blake said, as he frantically tried to capture some of what heâd just heard in his notes.
âI have. I did my thesis on servant leadership. Did you know we graduated from the same school?â
âNo, I didnât.â
âYep, I was about five years ahead of you. When I graduated, I needed to decide what to do with my life. Thatâs when I met Debbie and your dad. They helped me more than I can describe. They taught me that at the end of the day, what matters most is what Iâve done to serve others. Thatâs how our lives will be evaluated. Not by the things we amassed. Donât get me wrong, thereâs nothing wrong with stuff. But, what we do for others matters most.â
âThatâs why you said the most important character trait for a leader is think others first.â
âYes, thatâs why. For me, that means starting this place. For your dad, it meant making a lot of money so he could help even more people than I could ever imagine. The ways we impacted peopleâs lives were different, but we both had the same motivationâwe wanted to serve. We consider serving others a high calling.â
âOkay, I think I understand. What I need to know is how to get off my own agenda. How do I think others first if thatâs not my natural bent?â
âFirst, donât feel all alone. My experience is that most leaders could ask the same questionâI struggle, too.â
âYou do? You run a nonprofit to feed homeless people! What could be more others-centered?â
âLet me offer a clarification. To think others first is not primarily about what you doâit is about how you think. Think others first, as with the other facets of leadership character youâre going to discover, is all about whatâs in your heart, not what you do with your hands.â
âSo how do I do it, think others first?â
âI have a couple of ideas, but no guarantees.â
âIâm not looking for guarantees; Iâm looking for ideas that...