ACT TWO
The CHAIRMAN strolls out in front of the curtain.
CHAIRMAN: âEllo again. Nice interval? Right, where were we? Bit of a whirlwind first half, shall we have a recap?
Nancy Astley! Shy little oyster girl goes to the music hall, falls in love with male impersonator Kitty Butler, gets job as Kittyâs dresser, Kitty tells her sheâs moving to London, would you like to come with me? Would I ever! Train to London, all the noises? Kittyâs no big deal in the big smoke, Nancy puts on a pair of trousers â boom, sheâs a brilliant girl-boy, letâs do a double act. Double act takes the town, couldnât be better except Nancyâs still unrequited. Slap! Iâm in love with you! Iâm in love with you too! â flying sex, beautiful â everything rosy till Nancy comes back from Christmas and Walterâs taken her side of the bed. Runs away in horror, ends up in shitty Smithfield â singing meat, remember? â soldier suit, rent boy â musical cocks â then bag on head, kidnap, rich lady, swinging from the chandelier and I think thatâs pretty much where we left her, isnât it?
And what now â Did she get the part, youâre wondering, as Diana Lethabyâs kept lover? Oh yeah, she got it alright. And the appetite on this woman, you wouldnât believe it. Not that our Nan donât give her a run for her money, she donât mind singing for her supper, breakfast, lunch and tea if thereâs this much fun in the toybox, if thereâs this many roles to playâŠ
NANCY performs a quick-change routine for DIANA, transforming herself into a number of different male characters and attending to DIANAâs every whim.
At the end of the act, DIANA kisses NANCY and leaves. NANCY changes into an expensive silk bathrobe and reclines on a chaise.
BLAKE, a young housemaid, comes in with coffee and a sumptuous breakfast on a tray.
NANCY: Morning.
BLAKE: Morning, miss.
NANCY: Is it still morning?
BLAKE: No, itâs the afternoon miss.
NANCY: Already? Where is she?
BLAKE: Mrs Lethabyâs out making calls, miss.
NANCY: Amazed sheâs got the energy. I donât think we slept at all last night.
BLAKE: Coffee, miss?
NANCY: God, yes.
BLAKE pours a cup for NANCY.
Thank you. Ooh, hot.
BLAKE: Blow on it for you?
NANCY laughs.
NANCY: No. Thank you, I can do it.
BLAKE goes around with a basket, picking up discarded clothing and underwear.
Quiet without her, isnât it?
Cigarette?
BLAKE: No miss. Theyâre funny ones, those.
NANCY: Theyâre very nice, have you tried one?
BLAKE: No.
NANCY: Even when sheâs out?
BLAKE: No, miss. I donât think the mistress would like it miss.
BLAKE picks up an object â clearly a strap-on leather dildo â to put into the basket.
NANCY: Oh Blake I donât mean you to
BLAKE: Sâalright miss.
NANCY: No, really â just leave it, Iâll
BLAKE hangs the strap-on over the back of a chair.
Thank you.
BLAKE sits down in front of NANCY, takes one of NANCYâs hands and rubs hand-cream into it.
NANCY: Itâs quite a toybox sheâs got there.
Iâm actually a bit sore. Is that shocking?
BLAKE: Not for me to say, miss.
NANCY: That smells nice. All the perfumes of Arabia.
BLAKE: Other hand?
NANCY: You know thereâs parts of me I never knew existed that start fizzing soon as she comes in. Soon as I hear her feet on the stairs, I go to liquid.
BLAKE: Sounds very nice, miss.
NANCY: Where shall I be when she comes in? Lounging like this?
NANCY moves to the window and leans on the frame looking into the room.
Or this? Which do you think is best? Maybe looking out, like this?
BLAKE looks towards the door, listening.
BLAKE: Thatâs Mrs Lethaby back, miss.
NANCY: Pass me the cane.
BLAKE hands NANCY a cane, and NANCY stands leaning on it, regarding herself in the mirror.
DIANA comes in, a large box in her hands. NANCY turns around slowly.
DIANA: Isnât my tart a handsome brute, Blake?
BLAKE: Yes, maâam.
DIANA comes over to NANCY and kisses her, putting a hand inside the bathrobe.
DIANA: Did you bathe?
NANCY: For an hour. I smell delicious.
DIANA: This is for you.
NANCY: Wh...