(Lights up on a college party. Princeton. Two students, freshmen â Amber and Tom â are outside on the quad. A first date. Sort of. Theyâre drinking. A lot.)
AMBER
So I was reading tonight in our psych book about the pratfall effect, and itâs actually really interesting: itâs about how a personâs attractiveness increases or decreases after he or she makes a mistake. So a highly-competent person, like, say, a celebrity, would be more likable after committing a blunder, while the opposite would be true if â
TOM
God, do you ever stop talking?
AMBER
What?
TOM
(With a small smile.)
Just stop talking.
AMBER
Okay.
TOM
Iâm gonna kiss you now.
AMBER
Oh.
Okay.
(They do. Amberâs not sure what to do with her hand so it hovers awkwardly over Tomâs shoulder, not touching it.)
AMBER
Letâs play a game. Letâs play Two Truths and a Lie.
TOM
(Emphatic.)
No.
AMBER
Come on.
TOM
Okay. I have two truths for you⊠I hate games and I hate that game.
AMBER
But youâll play it.
TOM
And why would I do that?
AMBER
If you wanna sleep with me tonight, for one thing.
TOM
(Without missing a beat.)
Okay, who goes first?
(A sharp shift in tone. Amber and Tom abruptly turn to face the audience.)
AMBER
So.
TOM
(To the audience.)
In some ways Iâve been on trial my entire life.
AMBER
It wasnât an actual trial. It was a hearing but it felt like a trial. We sat across from each other. At these long wooden tables. I felt like I was a character in The Crucible. Maybe because our âtrialâ was in a classroom where Iâd happened to read The Crucible earlier that semester.
TOM
We sat across from each other.
AMBER
The room was very cold. I had to wear two layers. The cardigan I carry with me because I am always cold but also my jacket. Inside.
TOM
I couldnât believe how cold this girl got. Sheâd have goose bumps like sitting outside on a 75 degree day.
(An abrupt shift back to each other, and into a continuation of the original scene.)
AMBER
Okay my first truth is: I thought Iâd fall in love on my first day of college.
TOM
(Thatâs weird.)
First day?
AMBER
(She speaks very fast.)
Well, my parents did. My dad was my momâs professor in a class called History of the American South and she liked his accent and in a sort of twisted way that he was old enough to be her father and I guess he liked being able to lord it over her and probably her looks â my mom was very attractive back then â because then they were together.
TOM
That was allowed back then?
AMBER
You donât even know if anything I just said was true.
TOM
Okay. Fair point.
AMBER
Second one: I have never excelled at any sport.
TOM
But youâre on the squash team.
AMBER
Third one: I have no feelings for you whatsoever.
(Tom stares at her.)
So now you guess.
TOM
No, I know. Iâm thinking.
AMBER
Lay out your thought process.
TOM
Well, Iâm an arrogant bastard so I think you do like me⊠And that shit about your parents is either too detailed to be a lie or so detailed itâs the obvious lie.
AMBER
Hm. Interesting.
TOM
Youâre on a team here so I think youâve excelled at sports. And Iâm way confident youâre into me â
AMBER
So youâve said.
TOM
So Iâll go with the lie is about your parents.
AMBER
The lie was not about my parents.
TOM
Then youâre no good at sports.
AMBER
Iâm no good at sports.
TOM
How the hell did you get on the squash team?
AMBER
Anyone can get on the squash team.
TOM
Is that right.
AMBER
I mean, you donât have to be great. You can be good. Or just okay. Itâs a great way to help you get into college.
Just like being black.
TOM
(Incredulous and amused.)
Um. You know you canât say that. Right?
AMBER
But itâs not a micro-aggression or anything.
TOM
âCause itâs like a macro-aggression.
AMBER
(Unapologetic, matter-of-fact.)
Come on. Everyone has things that help them get in. Iâm not saying either of us is remotely unqualified to be here.
TOM
(In disbelief.)
Wow. Okay.
AMBER
No, Iâm sure youâre super smart. You had to beat out a shit ton of other black kids to get in. I just had to beat out some other mediocre squash players.
TOM
You think my only competition was other black kids?
AMBER
Mainly, yeah. We all fill some stupid niche, which reduces us to something much less than what we are, but thatâs the way it goes. Has it been very hard for you, being black?
TOM
(Laughing.)
God, you really are, likeâŠa piece of work.
AMBER
But has it?
(Another sharp turn out to the audience.)
AMBER
See it became, almost immediately, âthe matter of Anthony dash Cohenâ.
(Bashfully.)
Which I couldnât help thinking looked like what our last name would be if we got marriedâŠ
TOM
I get an email from the Office of the Vice Provost of Institutional Equity and Diversity. Itâs from some dude named Leslie. He made it clear that he was a dude by saying âbecause the name can be ambiguous I want to make you aware that I am a man.â Iâm told to come into the office at my very earliest convenience.
AMBER
What happened was I told Heather who told our RA Olivia who told whoever she told.
TOM
I honestly thought maybe this was about my being an asshole for not joining the Black Student Union.
AMBER
But I didnât know Heather would tell anyone. She just came into my room and was like âAmber. People are saying you were topless at Cap last night. What the fuck. Were you super wasted?â And Iâm like âthatâs the least of it. I mean, Thomas Anthony practically raped me.â And she looked at me with these wide eyes, like she was kind of seeing me for the first time⊠And I knew immediately that Iâd said something I couldnât take back.
TOM
So Iâm sitting across from Leslie, and the guy has an enormous beard. Part of me wonders if maybe there is a woman behind there.
AMBER
And so I tell her what happened. Or what I can remember. But I donât tell Heather everything. I mean, why should Heather know everything?
TOM
And heâs like âI assume you know why youâre hereâ and Iâm like âenlighten me, Leslieâ not realizing I shouldnât be, like, a dick right now. And he squints his eyes at me like he canât believe what heâs hearing.
Okay, so even though my mom was always like âdonât give anyone any reason to write you offâ Iâm still not great at gauging when I really should be polite. Like in 11th grade I once said to the school psychologist: âwhoâs your shrink, shrink?â
I mean, I had this one weird thing and my high school sent me into therapy. Whatâs that all about?
AMBER
So I just say to Heather that things went pretty far and sheâs like but thatâs not rape and Iâm like I know that Heather. What might have maybe constituted something approaching sex without my one hundred percent consent was that he got a tiny bit rough with me and at first I was into it but then I wasnât into it anymore and I stood up and was like âactually, umâ but he pulled me back and kept going. And then she says, all horrified âand all you said was âactuallyâ?â and Iâm like yeah. And sheâs like âbut thatâs not noâ and Iâm like I know that, Heather â I am aware that two different words in the English language are not the same word⊠Also, I was just so so drunk.
(Abrupt shift back to the scene.)
TOM
Okay, so I guess Iâll sayâŠin the spirit of truthâŠ
AMBER
Or maybe a lie.
TOM
If I can, one day Iâd like to play piano professionally. Like in a symphony. Or jazz piano. Or, like, the orchestra pit of Hamilton / or something.
AMBER
Oh god I love that show.
TOM
(Impressed.)
You saw it??
AMBER
No!!
TOM
Okay⊠The second one isâŠmy mom is the love of my life.
AMBER
Aw. Thatâs sweet. That better not be a lie or youâre kind of deranged.
TOM
I am capable of some pretty poor behavior.
AMBER
(Flirty.)
...