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Opening a Fuzzwollop's Frame of Mind
Daniel Evans
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eBook - ePub
Opening a Fuzzwollop's Frame of Mind
Daniel Evans
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A delightfully funny absurdist play that explores the nature of humanity and our fear of the unknown.
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LiteratureSous-sujet
Drama
From somewhere behind the curtain an old scratchy record begins to play âThe Blue Danubeâ. The music gradually grows louder. Suddenly the curtains part; Mrs Judith Hartwig and Mr Jethro Hartwig enter waltzing. The music dies down.
Judith [sullenly] Jethro, darling, do you sometimes wonder what it would have been like if we hadâ?
Jethro [interrupting] Yes.
Judith Tell me again, why didnât we?
Jethro It was the unknown.
Judith Ah, the unfamiliar.
Jethro The unascertained.
Judith The undiscovered.
Jethro The unexplored.
Judith The uninvestigated.
Jethro The unrevealed.
Judith The un⊠unâŠ
Jethro [whispering in her ear] Unearthed.
Judith Oh, thank you, darling. The unearthed.
They waltz a while.
Jethro The fact was we wereâ
Judith Donât say!
Jethro Scared.
Judith Frightened.
Jethro Alarmed.
Judith Worried.
Jethro Unsure.
Judith Terrified.
Jethro Apprehensive.
Judith We were⊠ah⊠ohâŠ
Jethro [whispering in her ear] Afraid.
Judith Oh, thank you, darling. Afraid.
Jethro But weâre comfortable, are we not?
Judith Why, yes. Yes! I suppose so.
Jethro And weâre happy?
Judith [uncertain] Actually, now that I consider itâŠ
Jethro No?
Judith No.
Jethro No? So you are happy.
Judith No. âNoâ as in âno, Iâm not happyâ.
Jethro Well, why donât you look at your jewellery.
Judith I⊠I⊠I donât think thatâs going to make me happy anymore.
She suddenly stops waltzing.
She made me realise that money canât buy certain things. Yes, it can buy sapphire rings and ruby necklaces but it canât buyâŠ
Jethro Diamonds?
Judith [longingly] Freedom.
Jethro The ability to fly like a bird.
Judith Soar like an eagle.
Jethro To come down from the bleachers and onto the field.
Judith To⊠toâŠ
Jethro [whispering in her ear] To cut theâ
Judith Jethro, please, give me a chance! [She pauses. Solemnly] To walk out of the door.
The music strikes up again as Jethro takes Judith in his arms and begins to waltz again. Judith gazes longingly somewhere else. The curtains part as they spin in an exit.
The music is brought to a halt by a high-pitched scream from Judith. There is the sound of many people rushing. Silence. The curtains open to reveal a clump of people encircling something.
Wilmah What on Jupiter is it?
Jethro How did it get here?
Judith For goodness sakes, Jethro! We know how it got here!
Jethro How, darling?
Judith I was sitting over there, minding my own jewellery whenâŠ
Wilmah When?
Jethro When?
Wilmah When, what?
Jethro Yes, darling, when what?
Judith [confused] What?
Wilmah Yes, what?
Jethro Yes, darling, what?
Judith What, when this thing appeared before my very eyes! It was as though it appeared out of thin air.
Jethro As though it came from nowhere.
Judith As though it suddenly became visible.
Jethro As though it raised and became evident.
Judith As though⊠as thoughâŠ
Jethro [whispering in her ear] As though it came into being.
Judith Why, thank you, darling. As though it came into being.
Wilmah Yes, but what exactly is it?
They all loo...