Five
HOLDING ON WITH BOTH HANDS
Australia and South America
Owing to an ongoing personal situation, Paolo missed the band's next five shows in Tokyo, Hong Kong and Perth. He joined them in Adelaide, Australia, as the furore over their behaviour on the plane from Hong Kong to Perth grew in the press.
True or false?
âWhatâs the use of regrets?/Theyâre just lessons we havenât learnt yet.â
Beth Orton, âThe Sweetest Declineâ
They swear fuck all happened. Well, it did. But nothing to warrant the fuss being made. Christ, the way the papers were going at it, you would have thought they were a group of murdering psychopaths.
Yeah, they were drunk and yeah, they did get a little boisterous and yeah, they did try and smoke bifters behind the stewardessâs back. But they didnât hit anyone. Or threaten them. And as for the pilot saying that he nearly had to divert the plane, well, that was just grandstanding. And if they had acted that bad, why did Cathay Pacific later issue a statement admitting the incident had been overplayed?
Anyway, just as the dust was settling, Liam â who else? â gave an interview to a journalist. Asked about the incident, he vowed that if he found out the pilot was lying about diverting the plane, heâd stab him. Result? Cathay Pacific declared war, started discussing whether to permanently ban Oasis from all their planes.
Meanwhile Noel remained totally bemused by the fuss. âI was genuinely asleep the whole time. I didnât see fuck all. Then I wake up and all of a sudden Iâm public enemy number one.â Again.
Eyewitness report on Oasis walking through Adelaide airport: âLiam Gallagherâs only comment to The Australian could best be translated as âyeeaahhhrrrggghâ while Noel, his songwriting sibling, strode straight through the mob waving his trademark Union Jack guitar over his head.
The Australian, Wednesday 25 February 1998
I have breakfast with Torsen. He works for Sony International marketing. I find him in the large dining room, where bright sunlight covers wide tables piled up with fruit and cereals, and this spacious layout, the warm colours, the healthy faces, it all makes you feel like youâve woken up in a TV advert.
Torsen first worked with Oasis in Germany. Germany is important. It boasts the third-largest record-buying public. Torsen was charged with making the band successful there. He thought his task impossible. He couldnât see how he could sell a band whose fuck-off attitude took absolute precedence over their will to undertake the necessary promotion. âBut then the people heard the music,â he explained and shrugged his shoulders as if to say, âWhat can you do?â
I told him that the reverse effect had happened with a couple of my friends. Ever since hearing âLive Foreverâ I had been talking about no one else. But these guys remained impassive, unimpressed. It was only when Oasis appeared on the âBritsâ and insulted a million and one folk that my phone started ringing. âThat Oasis lot, youâre right, theyâre OK, arenât they?â
Back in the days of âWonderwallâ and Knebworth they were. But how about now? What were Sony saying about Be Here Now? They believe it to be a great success, Torsen replied. It will sell about eight million copies world-wide. That good enough for you?
It wasnât good enough for the people Iâd been bumping into back in London. Julie told me before I arrived that her brother had been on the phone. He lived in Manchester and the word on Oasis was in the downwards direction. Too arrogant, too many bad words aimed against their home town. Itâs all right for them but we have to live here, he complained.
Pedro agreed, went further. Said the lyrics to the new songs were not focused enough. Too much stuff about fame or mundane lines about the weather. Paul thought that Noel was coasting now. Two good songs on the album. âMagic Pieâ and âDonât Go Awayâ. That was it.
Another Paul said the album was too much like the old stuff. Youâd waited all this time eagerly anticipating what they would come up with next and when it finally arrived it was the same old, same old. The songs were too long, too self-indulgent, too fuelled by the Devilâs powder.
David agreed. Ask him about the â90s and heâll say there was only one group. Oasis. But Be Here Now? Sorry and all that. But not having it. The sound was too large. It deliberately covered up the ordinary nature of the songs. And so on. And so on. I remained unmoved and so did Torsen. Eight million Oasis fans canât be wrong, he said. âBut if they are,â I pointed out, âthat makes the next Oasis album a really intriguing proposition.â
âPaolo,â he replied in his thick accent. âEvery Oasis album is an intriguing proposition.â
*
Bonehead said, âIâm mad to get off the beer.â And you could tell he really meant it. But it was impossible. He was surrounded by bottles and cigs and the people holding them came at you from all angles until you finally said, âAh, just the one.â
And then you were back on the roller-coaster.
*
I missed the gig in Adelaide, flew with the band instead to Melbourne. At the gig, Pete Barrett, a close friend who had moved out this way, said, âIn the past bands were one thing. They were rock. Or they were hippy. Or they were glam. Now they can be everything.â
He meant that Oasis could be as tender as they could be tough and it wasnât an issue, wasnât noticeable. Not in our time.
*
Back at the Melbourne hotel, a room has been set aside for the after-show party. Coyley had now joined the tour. Heâll be with us until the end, by which time he will be married. Ruth and he will get hitched in Mexico. Noel, best man. Coyley is a United fan, fervent, committed to the last. He talks of them and of supporting your team as parents do of their families. You never leave your team. You devote yourself to them. For life, forever. Coyley is currently banned from Old Trafford. For swearing outrageously at the opposition before kick-off.
Noel is Manchester City. Big time. One time I saw him and Coyley argue the merits of their teams. If you didnât know about football, Noelâs argument was so persuasive that he would have you believe that Manchester City were currently the greatest team ever and that Manchester United were a really poor second, destined for an isolated life in the lower divisions.
On the way home I said to Noel, âAnyone listening would have thought that you supported the winning team.â He shook his fist victoriously in the air. âThatâs the City way,â he declared.
It figured. Self-confidence, blagging, a refusal of present-day truth, theyâre requisite qualities when youâre an unknown band living in poverty, rehearsing in damp basements but are intent on world domination and having every one of your rock-star fantasies brought vividly to life.
And now the City fans were strangely silent as their team slid further and further down the Nationwide table. There was no banter, no ribbing. Just a strange quietness. This, Coyley couldnât work it out. In all his years with Oasis, heâd never known anything like it. âBarnsley beat United and they didnât say a thing, which means either theyâve got too much money or theyâre so depressed they canât talk about City.â He paused. Then his face lit up. âEither way . . . itâs fucking top.â
*
The incident on the plane happened on a Thursday. By Sunday, the day of the gig, a fried-chicken outlet were running TV adverts that featured Oasis lookalikes about to throw food around a plane. But our chicken is so good, said the advert, youâd never waste it.
*
At the party in Melbourne, Liam took control of the music. When he put on The Beatlesâ âA Day In The Lifeâ, I looked around the room. Everybody â Australian, British, whatever â was either singing or unconsciously mouthing the words as they sat with friends, drinking, listening, gesticulating.
The Beatles, the real folk music of the world. Which is why you canât hold Oasis up against them. Of course, huge staggering success is the common denominator between the bands. Which is why â much to the puristsâ disgust â they get compared to the Fab Four. But will Oasis songs be so embedded in peopleâs souls 30 years from now?
Impossible to answer. But thatâs the real test. And Noel knows it.
*
At the airport the next day, two young girls stood in a newspaper shop, staring at a picture of Liam in the paper. âOne day,â one of them avowed, âI am going to meet him.â Liam sat but 20 yards away. Staring into a cup of nothing.
*
The band now travel separately to us. Most days; the first time we see them is on the plane when theyâre safely ensconced in their first-class seats. Coyley has named the rest of us âthe holiday-makersâ.
When we arrive in Sydney the band are diverted to waiting cars, the rest of us take the normal route. I come off the plane with Huw, the soundman. In front is a TV crew. They want to ask passengers what it was like to fly for 45 minutes on a plane with Oasis. We pass them interviewing a middle-aged businessman. âDisgusting,â Huw shouts as we walk on, smiling. The interviewer and cameramen note us, quickly finish their chat and now come running up from behind.
âExcuse me, excuse me,â the interviewer exclaims breathlessly. He is overweight, determined. âDo you have any complaints about the flight youâve just been on?â
âYes,â Huw replies. The interviewer motions quickly to his cameraman, who hurriedly switches on his instrument. The interviewer places his microphone directly in front of Huw.
âCare to tell us what happened?â
âDisgusting is what I would call it,â Huw spits out, âand I will never fly on this airline again.â
âYou mean Oasis?â asks the excited interviewer. Heâs nailed them at last.
âNo, that man you were talking to. Swearing, drinking, fighting like that. And he had on the worst suit Iâve ever seen.â
And we walked away, laughing.
*
Mid-afternoon, the hotel bar of the Sheraton On The Park. Me and Noel, Noel and I. The bar is huge. Outside, in the park opposite, day bums move large chess pieces around a large board. Those playing donât seem to have much money but the weather is hot, not uncomfortable. I keep thinking of grey London. And smiling.
Some of the band, notably Liam, have taken to wearing shorts. Never Noel, though. Always covered. Heâs starting to feel the pinch now. Some of the gigs arenât selling as well as he would like and the press are still hammering them for the plane incident, day in, day out. This strain he could do without it. It occasionally flicks across his face. He buys me a beer. Michael Jackson is playing through the speakers.
âIs this Thriller?â I ask, toying with the cold bottle. âThe thriller diller.â
âWhich is better than being the failure in Australia,â he morosely jokes. It may just be the first time Iâve ever heard him say âfailureâ. Wasnât in his dictionary a year ago.
âSo are you really taking a year off?â
âToo fucking right. Maybe two. Give a shit. Sit and get fat and watch TV all day.â
âRight. And not write any songs?â
âNo. Instead Iâm going to make a very significant dent in my publishing money. Iâm going to buy an island and blow it up. I am going to stand on top of a mountain with a spear in my hand and blow the fucker to pieces. That is precisely what I intend to do when I get home.â
âAnother drink then?â
âPaolo, knock it on the head with the questions. Iâm not in the mood. Here,â he says, slightly brightening up, âhave you noticed those burger places called Harry Jackâs? Theyâre actually KFCs but one of the burger chains bought the rights to the name in all these countries. Marcus told me. At first I thought, Bastards. Then I thought, Thatâs fucking genius. So I said to Marcus, Run a check on Blur, Shed 7, Embrace in every country and then buy their names. That way we can nick all their merchandising money.â
âWhat did you think of the gig in Melbourne?â
Noel sighs, puts down his drink. âYou can tell weâre getting to the end of the tour. Iâm such a tosser sometimes. Iâm onstage, Iâve got thousands of people there screaming at me and the band and all I can think about is a pair of shoes I should have bought earlier that day.â
*
Two days later Liam sits in the bar with Bonehead and Whitey. Day off. The night before they had played Sydneyâs Entertainment Centre. Not fantastic but a good show, good crowd. The Australian band You Am I were on support duties and Noel, especially, had become a big fan. I watched them but I couldnât see it myself. But Noel kept on and on. âYouâll get to like them,â he would tell me.
âNo, donât do it for me,â Iâd reply. âToo much like early Jam.â
âWhat and Weller never ripped off anyone?â he spat back. Noel can tongue-lash good sometimes, catch you unawares with his sharp tongue, especially when he feels you contradicting ...