Part One
One
IâVE been told that my mother had a wonderful sense of humor. Also that she was pretty. But most people recall her wit first, and her easy laughter, and because of this Iâve always had a better sense of how she felt than how she looked. She must have been happy most of the time if she found so many funny things to say and to laugh about. She died when I was an infant, so I have no memory of her. After I moved to my aunt Kateâs house, Iâd hear her talking with friends about my mother and me, usually in hushed tones after Iâd just left the room.
âSheâs a somber little thing,â somebody would say. Or âSheâs so shy; she certainly hasnât Louisaâs high spirits.â
That was my motherâLouisa. Apparently, there was a sparkle in her eye. My uncle Teddy said this about her once, and when I asked him where the sparkle wasâwhat part of the eye, he laughed and gave me a wink. When I asked him again, he told me to shut my trap.
I didnât inherit my motherâs high spirits or her sparkly eye, but she did leave me a very nice ladyâs suitcase. It had been a wedding gift from a wealthy distant cousin. I never saw it until the day Father came for me at St. Catherineâs Orphan Asylum. He gave Mother Beatrice no notice, just showed up one afternoon in the summer of 1922, when I was twelve. He arrived in a borrowed black Packard, and when he strode out to the courtyard, where my friends and I were playing, he called out, âWhich one of you is Mary?â
At least five of us raised our handsâit was a Catholic orphanage, after all. But I felt, as he smiled vaguely at each of us in turn, like heâd reached inside me and crushed my heart with his hand. I hadnât seen him in almost a year, but I recognized him instantly. Iâd grown a bit; I think thatâs why he didnât know me at first.
âWhat about Edel⌠or Trudy?â he said. âWe called our girl Trudy when she was a baby. Trudy Engle.â
I was too thrilled to remain hurt. As soon as I stepped forward, he said, âWell, there you are,â and pulled me close. I felt the strange smoothness of his freshly shaved jaw during that brief moment when he pressed his face against my forehead. He used to have rough whiskers when Uncle Teddy took me to visit him up at the lumber mill.
He told me to pack my clothesâhe was moving me in with Aunt Kate. The laughter and taunts from some of the older girls when he reminded them of my original name were like blanks fired from a pistol. They were like the loud pop-pop-pop from a clownâs dummy pistol in the circus that came to Scranton every summer. The circus had a free night for âFoundlings and Other Unfortunates.â We all screamed and clung to one another when we were little and heard that clownâs gun the first time, but the next year and the years after, we didnât even flinch. We fought over peanuts and candy in the stands while the clown did those same old tired gags. The elephant never left its tent on foundling nightâsometimes the acrobats took the night off too. We were left with that dumb clown and a dog act, and who cared about them? We got free bags of goodies. Similarly, who cared about those girls calling me that stupid nickname? I had a father; they didnât. He was taking me away. They were staying there at the home.
âWell câmon, letâs get your things,â Father said. He was carrying the lovely white suitcase that had once belonged to my very own mother.
âShe hasnât many things,â Mother Beatrice scolded when we were in the long, low-ceilinged dormitory hall. âCertainly not enough to fill a large suitcase like that, Mr. Engle. I donât know what a girl would do with such an expensive-looking piece of luggage. If youâd given us more notice, weâd have gladly packed her essentials in a parcel as we do for our half-orphans who are lucky enough to have family to go to.â
A few of my friendsâDorothy, Marge, Mary Hempel, Little Maryâtheyâd all followed us inside, and now they gaped at Father like he was a film starâit wasnât every day a real father showed up at St. Catâs. I realized that I was gazing up at him the way they were, more like an awestruck fan than a daughter. I moved closer to him, and I even thought for a moment that I should hold his handâthe way daughters did with their fathers in the movies. But he accidently jabbed me in the shoulder when he tossed the suitcase on the bed, then he pulled a handkerchief from his vest to wipe his forehead. It was so hot up there in the ward on summer days you could barely breathe sometimes.
Mother Beatrice was busy examining my motherâs suitcase, and that really bugged me. It was my motherâs, why did she have to touch every inch of it? Finally, she turned the two brass clasps in front, flipped up the top and whispered, âOh my.â
The other girls and I crowded around to see the inside, which was lined entirely with pink satin. Mother Beatrice tentatively lifted a thin panel, revealing a lower compartment. This was also lined in pink. It was padded, like a pillow, and decorated with little hand-stitched ovals.
âOh, this is very nice,â Mother Beatrice said, her bony fingers flitting, spiderlike, across the pink lining and in and out of the pockets. âA place for everything and everything in its place, very nice, though hardly useful for a little girlânow whatâs this?â
She yanked at a thin strap that was dangling from one of the pockets. Out sprang a ladyâs garter. It was attached to a sheer silk stocking that swept across Mother Beaâs throat, and had it been a snake the nun couldnât have screamed louder nor tossed it farther from her. I thought Iâd suffocate it was so hard not to laugh. Father was unable to restrain himself. He chuckled and winked at us girls as we giggled into our hands.
âGoodness me,â Mother Beatrice whispered, staring at the items on the floor. She was blushing to the very edges of her habit. Father leaned over to pick up the stocking and the garter. He wasnât laughing anymore. He carefully folded the stocking and tucked it and the garter into a pocket in his jacket.
âThis was my wifeâs suitcase,â he said quietly. âI didnât know there was anything left in it. She only used it once. On our honeymoon.â
âYes, yes, of course,â said the nun, clearly flustered, her face still beet red. She crossed herself. Then she closed her eyes, resting one of her hands on the suitcase. The girls and I bowed our heads and lowered our eyelids slightly, but we watched her the way we watched all nuns who prayedâas keen and alert as hunting dogs. We were looking for our mothersâ angels (I never saw mine, but I always looked because there were older girls who said they saw their mothers floating above the nuns whenever they prayed). When Sister crossed herself again, I packed up my flannel drawers, woolen leggings, and other items with the help of Dorothy and the others.
My departure from Scranton and my aunt Kateâs house, five years later, was almost as abrupt and unexpected as my departure from St. Catherineâs had been. One hot spring morning, I was standing in a stinking, crowded trolley, silently cursing the broken-down truck that was blocking its tracks. The next day, I was being chauffeured through town in a gleaming limousine, resisting the impulse to wave imperiously at all the common folk stepping over littered gutters and gawking at us as we rolled past.
The day of the stalled trolley, I was late, so I decided to leap from its platform, and at that exact moment it finally lurched forward. I stumbled to the filthy curb, tearing one of my new stockings. I was supposed to meet my teacher, Mrs. Pierson, at a lecture downtown. She wanted to introduce me to her friendâa visiting doctor, who might have a job opportunity for me. I sprinted the five remaining blocks to the YWCA, only to find that the heavy doors to the main hall were closed; the program had already begun.
âMy dear, what happened?â Mrs. Pierson whispered, as I sidled into the seat that sheâd saved next to her. I began whispering explanations, but she interrupted me with a gentle squeeze of her gloved hand and a smile of pardon. She jutted her chin toward the speaker at the front of the auditorium to indicate that I should direct my attention there.
âIs that Dr. Vogel?â I whispered.
Iâd never met a female doctor before, but the stout, dour matron at the podium was exactly what Iâd expected one to look like. As Iâd tiptoed down the center aisle just moments before, sheâd paused dramatically to shoot me a disapproving glare before continuing her speech.
âOh, dear me, no,â Mrs. Pierson responded. âThatâs Mrs. DanforthâJudge Danforthâs wife.â She squeezed my hand again, which allowed me to relax a little.
Mrs. Danforth announced, âFinally, Iâd like to thank all the ladies from the Womanâs Christian Temperance Union for organizing todayâs lecture and luncheon. Now thenâa few words about our distinguished guestâDr. Agnes Vogel. As many of you know, Dr. Vogel was an outspoken advocate for womenâs suffrage and served as one of the leaders of the Pennsylvania Red Cross during the war. One of the first women in this country to earn a medical degree in psychiatry, Dr. Vogel is the founder and superintendent of Nettleton State Village for Feebleminded Women of Childbearing Age. We are honored to have her here today to tell us all about Nettleton Village, whose mission is to protect our commonwealthâs most vulnerable young women. So, please, do letâs give a warm welcome to Dr. Vogel.â
I joined in the applause and craned my neck to see over the hats in front of me. I knew Mrs. Pierson was at least forty and that she and Dr. Vogel had attended college together, but the woman approaching the stage looked younger. Unlike the ladies in the audience, who wore linen day dresses or tailored suitsâtall, slender Dr. Vogel wore a silk dress with a smartly muted floral print and a chic dropped waist. When she reached the podium, she touched the cheek of her hostess with her own, then turned to face us. No, this elegant woman with the sleek blond bob and fine, aristocratic features wasnât what Iâd imagined a female doctor to look like at all.
âGood morning,â Dr. Vogel said, smiling out at us. âI recognize many faces here from the Red Cross and our other war efforts, and itâs wonderful to be among such fine friends again.â
I settled back into my seat and examined the ladderlike run in my stocking. I wasnât really interested in the lecture. It was 1927. Why carry on about womenâs suffrage now that women had the right to vote? Why maintain temperance clubs, years after liquor had been prohibited and everybody drank anyway? I came to meet Dr. Vogel because I needed a job. Mrs. Pierson taught shorthand, typing, and stenography at the business school Iâd attended for the past year, and she told me I was her youngest and most promising student. When she learned that her friend Dr. Agnes Vogel needed a new secretary, she recommended me; the timing was perfect, as Dr. Vogel was engaged to speak in Scranton that week. Mrs. Pierson had insisted that I come and hear the speech, so, after straightening out the stocking, I gazed back up at the stage with what I hoped was an interested expression.
Dr. Vogel was explaining that army examiners during the war had been surprised that so many American men were unfit to serve because they suffered from mental defects. âMy research as a psychiatrist, and the research of my colleagues, have revealed that the incidence of feeble-mindedness is equal, if not greater, among girls and women, and it is this populationâthat of the female unfortunateâwho poses the greatest threat to our society.â
Dr. Vogel paused, peered over her spectacles, and scanned the rows.
âI just want to make sure there are no gentlemen present.â Seemingly satisfied, she said, âI prefer ladies-only groups like this because I can discuss delicate social issues that might cause embarrassment in an audience of mixed company.â
I wasnât the only one in my row who leaned forward to better hear this too-embarrassing-for-mixed-company business.
âWeâre all adults here, so Iâm able to say something we all know to be true and that is this: No normal woman will choose to have intimate relations with a man who has the mind of a small child. But it is a sad factâand ladies, we know itâs a factâthat there are many otherwise honorable men who will have illicit relations with a certain type of young woman, regardless of her mental limitations or suitability as a potential mother. I trust youâre familiar with the type of girl Iâm referring to. Youâve seen her slinking in and out of bawdy houses and illegal drinking establishments, right here, in your fine city of Scranton. At first glance, she may seem normal enoughâin fact, sheâs often quite pretty. Until you see her again, a few years later, ruined and destitute, begging for handouts, surrounded by her own diseased and illegitimate children. This poor, mentally deficient girl, often unwittingly lured into a criminal lifestyle by the most evil of men, is the type we make every effort to segregate and care for, before she has children, not just for her safekeeping, but, most important, for the safekeeping of our communities.â
Dr. Vogel went on to describe all the modern facilities at the Village, as she called it, and the progressive programs she had instituted. The girls at the Villageâthey sang, they cooked, they planted, they learned. I tried to hide my yawns. Finally, the doctorâs voice changed to that promising bright tone people often use just before the end of a speech, and I perked up again.
âYes, weâve made great progress at the Village, but we need your help,â she said. âWe have more than six hundred residents and almost as many on our waiting list. In order to accommodate them all, we require at least three additional buildings. Therefore, Iâve requested government aid to assist with construction costs. If you have concerns about such an allocation of your familyâs hard-earned tax dollars, I urge you to consider a case recently publicized by the Public Charities Association of Pennsylvania; a case that concerns two feebleminded womenâsisters actuallyâfrom a large family of Lithuanian immigrants. These two women have passed their inherited mental defects on to their twenty-seven feebleminded, illegitimate, and delinquent children. Yes, we now have twenty-seven additional mental defectives who are being looked after by the commonwealth, and who, in turn, are beginning to produce a third generation of future paupers and criminals. Imagine if we had, instead, provided a safe haven for the two vulnerable sisters during their childbearing years. Weâd have prevente...