eBook - ePub
Caroline's Kitchen
Torben Betts
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- English
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eBook - ePub
Caroline's Kitchen
Torben Betts
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Monogamy means sharing your life with one person, but what if you shared your kitchen with 5.6 million? Caroline Mortimer, the nation's favourite TV cook, has it all – a sparkling career, a big house in Highgate, a (golf) loving husband, smart kids and the best kitchen money can buy. But beneath the immaculate furnishings, studio lighting and away from the glare of the ever-present cameras – Caroline must face the looming collision of living a private life in the public eye. What happens when the cameras turn off and the truth comes out? Caroline's Kitchen serves up deft dialogue in absurd situations: "Betts paints a wonderfully lurid picture of the middle classes, juxtaposed with the fragility of those who serve them" ( The Stage ). First performed as Monogamy at Malvern Theatre starring Janie Dee, it then embarked on a national tour. It is a searing, sharp, state of the nation comedy from one of the UK's most exciting playwrights, Torben Betts.
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Información
ACT TWO
A loud thunderclap. The storm increases in intensity throughout the remainder of the play.
CAROLINE continues laying the table.
LEO: Will you please look at me!?
CAROLINE: I am looking at you, darling!
LEO: No, you’re not!
CAROLINE: You couldn’t help me with this, could you?
LEO: I want to know why you haven’t told him yet.
CAROLINE: We’ll have the champagne before we eat of course.
LEO: This is really important…
CAROLINE: Think your father wants to give you a little speech.
She stops moving and grabs the kitchen top, breathing hard.
LEO: Mum?
CAROLINE: Oh, Leo, I have done such a terrible, terrible thing.
LEO: Falling out of a taxi is hardly a terrible thing.
CAROLINE: You don’t understand.
LEO: You gave me your word that by the time I’d graduated you’d have…
CAROLINE: Will you pass me those please?
He passes her some plates etc.
LEO: If you don’t tell him right now then I promise you I’ll…
CAROLINE: Tonight is really not the best time.
LEO: Do you understand what I’m saying to you?
CAROLNE: And please don’t mention this silly idea of going off to…
LEO: In what way is it silly?
CAROLINE: Because it’s yet another thing you’ve not thought through properly.
LEO: You need to start putting me first for once in your life!
CAROLINE: I do put you first.
LEO: You always put him first.
CAROLINE: He needs me.
LEO: I need you.
CAROLINE: Not as much as he does.
LEO: I’ve only had your voicemail for the last four months!
CAROLINE: I’ve had the show, I’ve been publicising this book up and down the country, I’ve been renovating this house for sale.
LEO: Feels like you’re cutting me out…
CAROLINE: I’ve been buying the place in Cornwall.
LEO: Like you’re cutting me right out.
CAROLINE: I’ve also got my mother down there to deal with.
LEO: Whatever.
CAROLINE: Whom I’ve recently had to put into a home, Leo.
LEO: But you could still return my calls!
CAROLINE: I’m sorry I haven’t told your father yet. Because I will. But please, please let me pick the right time.
He sits, head in hands, as she continues to set the table around him.
This is supposed to be a happy occasion, darling. You’ve worked so hard for all these years and we’re both so enormously proud.
LEO: Well, you might be but…
CAROLINE: Oh God, Leo, what have I done?
LEO: What do you mean?
CAROLINE: What the hell have I done?
With an effort she calms herself.
Please. Tell your mother. Tell your mother about this broken heart of yours. What silly idiot has let you slip through their fingers?
LEO: Who do you think it’s been broken by?
CAROLINE: I really don’t know.
LEO: Yes, you do!
CAROLINE: So it wasn’t by…Iwo-Jima?
LEO: What is the matter with you?
CAROLINE: I got her name wrong again, didn’t I?
LEO: Why are you doing this to me?
CAROLINE: I’m not intentionally doing anything to you!
LEO: It’s like you’re completely insane.
CAROLINE: I’m sort of all over the place right now…
LEO: Is it because it goes against your stupid religion?
CAROLINE: My religion is not at all stupid!
LEO: I’ve had my heart broken by Rory! You understand? By Rory! Who is male!
CAROLINE: Can you please keep your voice down?
It now starts to rain outside. The rainfall increases throughout.
Rory is the…the Scottish chap?
LEO: (Angry.) Of course he’s the Scottish chap!
A silence.
(Quieter.) Of course he’s the Scottish chap.
CAROLINE: I’m sorry if you feel I haven’t been there for you. I really am.
No response.
But you’re still so young. There are so many bright, brilliant people out there…
LEO: I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
CAROLINE: I know it’s hard if you believe you love someone…
LEO: I don’t just believ...