Caroline's Kitchen

Torben Betts

• Verlag: Oberon Books
• Jahr: 2018
• ISBN:
  9781786824127
• Auflage: 1
• Thema: Media & Performing Arts
• Thema: Theatre

Monogamy means sharing your life with one person, but what if you shared your kitchen with 5.6 million? Caroline Mortimer, the nation's favourite TV cook, has it all – a sparkling career, a big house in Highgate, a (golf) loving husband, smart kids and the best kitchen money can buy. But beneath the immaculate furnishings, studio lighting and away from the glare of the ever-present cameras – Caroline must face the looming collision of living a private life in the public eye. What happens when the cameras turn off and the truth comes out? Caroline's Kitchen serves up deft dialogue in absurd situations: "Betts paints a wonderfully lurid picture of the middle classes, juxtaposed with the fragility of those who serve them" ( The Stage ). First performed as Monogamy at Malvern Theatre starring Janie Dee, it then embarked on a national tour. It is a searing, sharp, state of the nation comedy from one of the UK's most exciting playwrights, Torben Betts.

ACT TWO

A loud thunderclap. The storm increases in intensity throughout the remainder of the play.

CAROLINE continues laying the table.

LEO: Will you please look at me!?

CAROLINE: I am looking at you, darling!

LEO: No, you’re not!

CAROLINE: You couldn’t help me with this, could you?

LEO: I want to know why you haven’t told him yet.

CAROLINE: We’ll have the champagne before we eat of course.

LEO: This is really important…

CAROLINE: Think your father wants to give you a little speech.

She stops moving and grabs the kitchen top, breathing hard.

LEO: Mum?

CAROLINE: Oh, Leo, I have done such a terrible, terrible thing.

LEO: Falling out of a taxi is hardly a terrible thing.

CAROLINE: You don’t understand.

LEO: You gave me your word that by the time I’d graduated you’d have…

CAROLINE: Will you pass me those please?

He passes her some plates etc.

LEO: If you don’t tell him right now then I promise you I’ll…

CAROLINE: Tonight is really not the best time.

LEO: Do you understand what I’m saying to you?

CAROLNE: And please don’t mention this silly idea of going off to…

LEO: In what way is it silly?

CAROLINE: Because it’s yet another thing you’ve not thought through properly.

LEO: You need to start putting me first for once in your life!

CAROLINE: I do put you first.

LEO: You always put him first.

CAROLINE: He needs me.

LEO: I need you.

CAROLINE: Not as much as he does.

LEO: I’ve only had your voicemail for the last four months!

CAROLINE: I’ve had the show, I’ve been publicising this book up and down the country, I’ve been renovating this house for sale.

LEO: Feels like you’re cutting me out…

CAROLINE: I’ve been buying the place in Cornwall.

LEO: Like you’re cutting me right out.

CAROLINE: I’ve also got my mother down there to deal with.

LEO: Whatever.

CAROLINE: Whom I’ve recently had to put into a home, Leo.

LEO: But you could still return my calls!

CAROLINE: I’m sorry I haven’t told your father yet. Because I will. But please, please let me pick the right time.

He sits, head in hands, as she continues to set the table around him.

This is supposed to be a happy occasion, darling. You’ve worked so hard for all these years and we’re both so enormously proud.

LEO: Well, you might be but…

CAROLINE: Oh God, Leo, what have I done?

LEO: What do you mean?

CAROLINE: What the hell have I done?

With an effort she calms herself.

Please. Tell your mother. Tell your mother about this broken heart of yours. What silly idiot has let you slip through their fingers?

LEO: Who do you think it’s been broken by?

CAROLINE: I really don’t know.

LEO: Yes, you do!

CAROLINE: So it wasn’t by…Iwo-Jima?

LEO: What is the matter with you?

CAROLINE: I got her name wrong again, didn’t I?

LEO: Why are you doing this to me?

CAROLINE: I’m not intentionally doing anything to you!

LEO: It’s like you’re completely insane.

CAROLINE: I’m sort of all over the place right now…

LEO: Is it because it goes against your stupid religion?

CAROLINE: My religion is not at all stupid!

LEO: I’ve had my heart broken by Rory! You understand? By Rory! Who is male!

CAROLINE: Can you please keep your voice down?

It now starts to rain outside. The rainfall increases throughout.

Rory is the…the Scottish chap?

LEO: (Angry.) Of course he’s the Scottish chap!

A silence.

(Quieter.) Of course he’s the Scottish chap.

CAROLINE: I’m sorry if you feel I haven’t been there for you. I really am.

No response.

But you’re still so young. There are so many bright, brilliant people out there…

LEO: I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

CAROLINE: I know it’s hard if you believe you love someone…

LEO: I don’t just believ...